Last night’s live performance show of American Idol’s Top 11 was a train wreck. While there were some decent vocals, overall the contestants performed like they were auditioned for “High School Musical” or reprising Michael J Fox’s performance at the prom in “Back To The Future.”
Favorites Lee Dewyze, Big Mike Lynche and Crystal Bowersox sounded great, and dark horse Siobhan Magnus was great until she started screaming. Everyone else disappointed.
Wouldn’t it be great if we could just axe seven contestants tonight and cut the season short by a month or so, so this could just all become a distant (and horrible) memory?
Alas, only one contestant is going home tonight. My guess? Paige or Didi. Join me here tonight live, when the train wreck only gets worse, with live performances from Miley Cyrus, Demi Levato and Joe Jonas.
9:02 PM: Here we go. And if it wasn’t bad enough having to watch the horrible mess last night, we have to watch the Top 11 perform Wham’s “Jitterbug.” Could Casey James look any more uncomfortable dancing around the stage? Could this be any more cheesy? Only if George Michael himself came out and joined them. And is it any more obvious that they’re either lip synching or backed by vocal trax? I say we vote them all off and start again next week.

Time for a break. I’m going to go bang my head against a wall for a few minutes.
Before we can find out which contestant we won’t have to endure another week, we have to watch them all do a Ford commercial. Which makes a Toyota look like a great deal, sticky accelerator and all.
The contestants are all seated, and Ryan talks to Casey James about his rehearsal and how he totally screwed it all up and was on edge for his performance. Siobhan’s boss is in the audience, and he’s vowed not to shave until she wins; he’s seated next to her fans, “Siozombies”. Katie tells her dad can’t watch the results so he’s across the street having a drink getting the play by play on his cell phone. We see Big Mike with his baby in a daddy papoose thing … oh, it’s called a Bjorn?
OK, we’re done with the chit chat. On to results.
Siobhan Mangus is up first. She talks about the scream. She’s safe, and the first person on the tour. So you get to hear her scream more.
Lee Dewyze and Casey James are next; Ryan recaps their performances. Wonder if one in the bottom three? My guess it would be Casey. Ryan tells them both to stay put for a minute.
He calls Tim Urban and Paige Miles together, and recaps their performances. Ryan asks Tim if he’d do it over differently if he had the chance, and he says no, he had fun. Ryan asks Paige what happened and she agrees it was a poor performance. Ryan asks Randy which of the two is in the bottom three. Without mincing words, he says the both stunk and Paige should be in the bottom. And they’re both in the bottom three.
So we go to a break, with Lee and Casey still standing there. Hmm. My guess is that Ryan will tell them both to sit down after Miley Cyrus performs, because we haven’t even gotten to the bottom row.
We’re back, and Ryan lets us know that next week’s theme is R&B/soul, with guest mentor Usher.
Miley Cyrus is performing, sitting at the piano. Can someone tell me how she got so popular? I mean, dawg, this is pitchy! She stands up, dressed in a prom gown. How ’bout those hair extensions? She looks like a mermaid. This is one of the most boring songs I’ve ever heard, and what’s with her rocker head banging hear flipping nonsense? Oh, there’s her dad in the audience. Casey must be happy. Miley says it’s her first standing ovation … she thinks. Miley says last night she was only disappointed last night because the judges paned Tim, because she loved his knee slide.
OK, so here’s the deal. Miley Cyrus is a lovely girl, and I’m sure she’s a super nice young lady who’s handled the pressures of stardom gracefully. But I don’t get the music. Sorry.
Break, and we find out who else is in the bottom three and watch some more teen pop.
While we’re waiting – I interviewed the Jonas Brothers waaaay back when they were first starting out, and I know I mock the whole teen pop thing, but honestly? They’re hilarious. The half hour I was with them was probably the most amusing ever. They were still really young. I think Nick was maybe 13? Joe didn’t have his drivers’ license yet. Anyway, just so we’re clear: mocking the genre doesn’t mean I’m mocking the people. Usually.
Ryan shares about Idol Gives Back and the new Idol online program to start raising money now.
OK, back to results. Tim Urban and Paige Miles are still on the stools, and Lee and Casey are safe, which Ryan forgot to tell us before the break.
We’re starting on the right. Aaron Kelly stands up; recap of his performance; he’s safe. And his voice is a little better.
Didi Benami is next. Ryan recaps the bad feedback from the judges. She says the judges seem to just want her there playing the guitar, but she’d like to do more fun stuff. Ellen told her to pick better songs, and Simon said she overthinks stuff. She’s safe.
Big Mike Lynche is next. He’s safe.
Crystal Bowersox is next. Ryan says Kara said no guitar, Simon said guitar, he asks who she listens to and she says, “Me.” And she’s obviously safe.
Katie Stevens and Andrew Garcia are next. Recaps of both performances. Andrew looks like he’s about to cry hearing Ryan recap the judges’ comments. And it’s Katie in the bottom three.
So there you go: Paige, Katie and Tim in the bottom three. Ryan will send one to the safety zone before Demi Levato and Joe Jonas perform. And it’s Katie who’s safe.
You know, what a great opportunity for all of these artists, to be able to tour the country. Especially for Katie and Aaron, the youngest contestants. If nothing else, the tour will help all of the hone their performance skills and get some experience and hopefully make the most of their whole Idol experience.
So here are Joe Jonas and Demi Levato, doing their inspirational duet. Gee, they’re cute. I can see why the teens go crazy. How the heck is she standing on those heels? And OK, while they’re cute the stage antics are really over the top. Is Demi Levato doing modeling poses while she sings? Good grief, I feel old. But it’s a pretty song.There. It’s over.
Ryan says there’s some cute chemistry between them. And points out that Joe was part of the judges panel where Tim got through.
So here we go: the contestant going home is Paige Miles. The judges aren’t going to use their save on her. Ryan asks Simon to give her some encouragement, and he says no matter what happens she’s going home. He doesn’t want to give her any false hope. As for encouragement, he tells her to go back to the beginning because she really had a great voice.
She sings her goodbye song, and we’re out.
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