To have wonderful relationships you must be good to yourself and you will then be good to others.  You treat others only as well as you treat yourself.

We are all human, most of us have negative patterns that can dominate the moment and a situation and create hurtful and destructive outcomes.

How do you to transform a negative pattern so it no longer dominates your life and relationships?  This is often an area that most people do not want to look at, deal with or acknowledge.  This is what people like to hide or pretend doesn’t happen.  These negative patterns are also the most destructive forces that hurt your well being, health, success, family and relationships both personal and professional.

It takes courage, faith, determination and vigilance to deal with your “dark side.”  The good news is that any negative behavior or pattern can be “unwired” or transformed when it is important enough to you.  First, you have to tell the truth and acknowledge what is happening when it happens.  You don’t have to like it but the first step is to be willing to see it for what it is and just observe – remember, what you resist persists.

When you transform, you no longer are the same person or do the same things you used to do in the same way.  It is like when water turns to ice.  It is no longer water, it is a completely different substance.  For me, my relationships started to drastically transform when I did.

Here is some great information from Ariel & Shya Kanes’ new book “A Match Made in Heaven.“ 

“Kindness begins with you – DON’T JUDGE YOURSELF FOR JUDGING YOURSELF.  In order to be kinder to yourself and others, you first have to pay attention to the way you currently behave.  It starts by noticing when you’re harsh and when you use derogatory terms or an abrasive tone.  When you notice this behavior and don’t judge yourself for doing it, then the behavior will dwindle away on its own (Third Principle).  If however, you criticize yourself for what you see, then you’re resisting your behavior.  That will only mean that despite your best intentions, you won’t be able to stop.  You’ll be trapped in a cycle of behaving “badly,” then feeling “badly” and then behaving “badly” all over again.  This is the First Principle of Instantaneous Transformation.

When you are harsh with yourself for being harsh, it simply reinforces the behavior.  In other words, what you resist persists, grows stronger and dominates your life.

NOTICING WHEN YOU’RE ALREADY UPSET: You may think that certain circumstances are inherently upsetting or frustrating, that they make you upset and cause you to respond in an abrasive manner.  But if you take a look, you’ll notice that when you react strongly to something, oftentimes you were already upset.

DON’T BLAME THE TRIGGER: Upsets can range from a low-level grumble to an explosion.  It’s easy to blame your partner, friend or circumstance or even yourself for doing something “wrong” when in fact you are simply pre-charged.  For example, if you had a “bad day” at work or a frustrating day with your kids, when you get together with your spouse, it’s far easier to snap at him or her as if your partner is the cause of your upset. Blaming something outside of yourself perpetuates recurring upsets.  If you simply bring awareness to how it is that you function, without judging yourself for what you see, or blaming something or someone for causing them, these recurring upsets will lose their hold over you and with practice, you well be free of them.

This wonderful book is full of valuable information that will transform your life.  Take the appropriate action as often as is needed and go the distance.  Remember, anything is possible!

Have a miraculous day!

smiles,
🙂 Lee
The MEGA Coach