I shift from side to side in the bed and punch at the pillows. I spray lavender into the air. The fan hums a white noise lullaby, yet sleep evades me. I fight it at first, but soon I begin to cry.

It is not long before my eyes are so puffy that the tears can barely find their escape.

Divorce comes in all different shapes and sizes.

Some end with the remembrance of the love which starts it still lingering.

Others end with the love drowning and the heart left gasping for air.

I am no stranger to loss. I am no stranger to stress.

This feels like neither.

It feels like destruction.

I believe in human suffering we are meant to learn from it.

I believe in extreme human suffering we are meant to do something with it.

In basic human suffering there are small set backs in life. We are meant to look inward and learn from them. Perhaps we are meant to grow and become better people and other times we are meant to learn that we need to self-protect and develop boundaries. Regardless, it is a journey of one to become a better version of ourselves.

In extreme human suffering where more seems thrown at an individual than seems bearable I think we are meant to do something with it. It is a journey that starts with one and joins many. In extreme human suffering we are meant to touch the lives of others. To take what we have experienced outside of our own four walls and attempt to do something good with it.

To reach for the other hearts gasping for air and share our oxygen.