I walk up the mounting block and place my foot in the stirrup while throwing my other leg over the horse. There are three of us riding in the ring this morning.

I take a moment to gather myself – the reigns and other stirrup that is.

“What a beautiful morning!” I announce joyfully.

I am in the moment. I had almost forgot what that feels like – actually living life rather than muddling through it while being ridiculously stressed and distracted.

I didn’t believe this moment, this day would come.

As is always my nature, I seldom hold back. Well, on the horse I might, but with my heart never.

“I can’t believe it,” I say. “It feels great to start the day actually noticing it’s beauty! To wake up saying, ‘What a gorgeous day,’ instead of ‘I hate Ralph!'” (name of course changed to protect the not so innocent.)

I am two years into this divorce. Some have come before me and will come after me that will be able to do this sooner thankfully. However, that has not been my experience or journey. I have aged twenty years in these two years. Okay, so I exxagerate (only so slightly.)

The horse is slow to start. At first I think it’s rider error, but then realize he not feeling so great and needs to make a pitstop.

When he’s finished his business he bolts. I think an attempt to make up for the fact he has ignored my previous leg squeezing calls for action.

I grab back on the reigns not really willing to take off with such speed.

Nacho has a kick in his step. He is telling me that he’s feeling better.

So am I.

My ‘joie de vivre’ is slowly returning. The ‘Colleen’ I left behind is finding me again.

The Colleen that was one big hot divorce mess is feeling stronger, wiser though still bruised, and niave enough to feel hopeful again.

I feel a little kick in my step.

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