Some time ago, I sat with a group of friends. One of the women was going through a divorce and her husband was playing games and behaving badly. He was also charming and handsome and still welcomed by many.

My friend sat exasperated when someone mentioned that they had been somewhere with him the past weekend.

“Why can’t everyone see it?” she whimpered.

I leaned close to her and I whispered, “I believe you.”

I could see her body physically fall limp with relief.

“Thank you,’ she uttered.

When you are trying to get out of a bad relationship it can be challenging. It can be even more challenging when the person you know you are living with is not the person the rest of the world is seeing. It can make you feel frustrated, crazy, and emotionally exhausted. You have already spent years trying to live with and deal with someone who would not listen to you or validate you. Then you make the decision to leave and you feel like you still aren’t being heard.

In actuality you do not need anyone to be ‘team you’ or ‘team your ex-spouse.’ You need to know that your friends see reality. That this is not a person with whom you’ve had an argument or misunderstanding. This is a person crossing such boundaries that you are being treated cruelly.

All you want to hear are three words,”I believe you.”

You don’t want someone to tell you that you aren’t being forgiving or that you aren’t getting over the divorce. On the contrary, your overly forgiving nature is what landed you in this situation and why you are still in it.

You don’t want someone to tell you that they don’t believe your truth. You want them to say that though they may have not had that experience with that individual, that they understand that you have.

You don’t want someone to judge you for your feelings. You want them to say that you deserved so much better.

You see, you aren’t unforgiving, or perseverating, or holding onto something. You are looking for your people. The ones you desperately need since you have been married to someone who didn’t allow you your truth. You are in search of the safe ones. The ones that don’t make you explain yourself, judge you for feeling this way or worse, talk you out of your feelings. The ones who make you feel like they believe everything that has really happened to you.

The safe people who tell you, “I believe you.”

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