I sit in the chair, my hair covered in dye and I cry. This is a personal low for me. I mean, really? At the hair salon I suddenly and randomly can’t fight back the tears??

It surprises me. I don’t cry like I used to.

So why today? Why now?

Divorce wears on you. It steels your sleep, your joy, your energy, your concentration, your feeling of connectedness, of belonging.

It is a process and a system of highs and lows, peaks and valleys, turns and bends – it is exhausting. As are the moments that pull you back when you are finally feeling better. The moments where a black vinyl salon smock aren’t adequate to absorb the tears before others see a grown woman crying in public.

It is a reminder that divorce is tremendous loss and the entire and comprehensive, reorganization of one’s life.

4 Ways Divorce Mimics Grief:

1. Sleeplessness: It’s hard to fall asleep. Divorce can keep you up to the wee hours of the morning. It can also rob you of real sleep once you are finally able to dose off. There is tossing and turning and dreams or what I like to jokingly refer to as, “Divorcemares.”

2. Distraction: It’s extremely hard to concentrate when life is being disassembled with tremendous angst and pain. Add the divorce wars that many experience in the process and the stress can make concentration a challenge. So much time is spent distracted by pain. There are worries about children and how they will be. There is stress of finances and how to make ends meet. There is fear in starting over. There is uncertainty about the future and the unknown.

3. Isolation: Divorce brings a sense of isolation. In part, because we are losing a primary love in our live’s. The kind that sustain us and are anchors to us. It takes us out of the world of couples and two and thrusts us into the world of one. This is made even more difficult because we are still surrounded by the couples who made up life. There is also the abandoning of people that belong to the ex, the family and close friends that go in either direction.

4. Hopelessness: Most people wouldn’t go for a divorce if they didn’t deep down feel hopeful; however, it’s hard to feel that way in the beginning. Divorce is just such a huge emotional mountain to cross. It feels as if happiness will never come again. That we want life back the way it was. Then there are those who did not choose divorce, but their spouse chose it for them. That can bring even more hopelessness. It’s a feeling that nothing will ever be the same.

It takes a tremendous amount of time and emotional purging to find the other side of divorce. The place that restores sleep and distraction and replaces isolation and hopelessness with healing.

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