I definitely had a lapse in spirituality during the anguish of losing my marriage. It was the first time in my life that I had ever felt true self-pity and bitterness. It was the only time I felt like a victim.

Fortunately, one morning I realized that these less than stellar or enjoyable attributes stemmed from a temporary lack of faith. What I refer to now as the time in my life that I was “fighting God.”

I wasn’t going to let my marriage end. This would not be the way things turned out for my family. The tenacious side of me, the problem solver and the fixer, became my biggest downfall. This was something that no degree of tenacity and resolve could fix because the other party in my relationship didn’t want it fixed.

It wasn’t like I didn’t know I was fighting God. There were signs along the way. The day I lost my wedding band even though I swore I left it in the change holder in my car and so many other little things that were signs along the way. I am talking signs above and beyond the obvious – that I was the only one trying to save my marriage.

I now realize what I failed to realize then.

The 3 Ways to Stay Spiritually Strong

1. Acceptance: There comes a time where one has to stop ‘Fighting God.” Regardless of whether it’s the loss of a marriage or something else in life. The “Why me’s” have to disappear. If one keeps getting up every day and charging towards a goal only to be continually redirected then it’s either time to reassess the goal or the path being taken towards that goal. “Fighting God” is losing sight of the fact that one must surrender to the reality that we do not always get what we purposefully want. We get the purpose we were meant to have.

2. In the Spiritual World Bad is Good: No one wants the bad. No one wants unhappy. No one wants to really learn new things about themselves. It’s too painful. No one wants to experience desperation. It is classic avoidance. In reality, there is no good without the bad and no happy without the unhappy. In the spiritual world bad is good. It makes us grateful, it strengthens us, it makes us empathetic, it makes us help others, it humbles us, it reminds us of our faith, what is really important, and it makes us better human beings. It’s just difficult to surrender to the absolute pain it takes to bring this positive self-growth forward.

3. In God’s Time: It takes tremendous grace to be still long enough, to endure long enough, to suffer long enough some of the lessons one is individually meant to experience. To remember that “This too shall pass.”Spirituality demands that one surrenders to an unknown timeline. In many ways, it is like the growing up years. A young person believes they see their path and they know what they want and they go for it. In reality, their parent is there ushering through the uncertainty and the stumbling blocks, propping them back up so that they are ready when that forward momentum is ready for them. It is only in remembering that we are still young in purpose – regardless of age – that true faith determines absolute ‘spiritual maturity’ and when it occurs.
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