We encounter different individuals every day – many that exude what appears to be confidence. They present well, are capable and outwardly project a great sense of self.

However, there are actually two types of confidence. What I refer to as ‘Confidence’ and ‘Graduated Confidence.’

Confidence: Confident people are generally those with good self-esteem. They feel empowered in life and tackle work and home life with the belief they can accomplish what they set out to do. They feel capable and the project this.

The problem is that many seemingly confident people haven’t graduated to the more mature form of confidence.These individuals immaturely see the world through their own ego. What does this mean? It means when they view those in their lives through their own lens. They do not allow others to be themselves, but rather expect that if they hold their feelings in so should everyone, if they are conservative then you should be too, etc.

They project judgement. If you are not like me then I do not understand you. The message they send to those around them is ‘I love you,’ but I don’t like you. Somewhere down deep they are afraid to let go and let the people they love be themselves.

It is not true confidence. It is threatened. It is immaturity. It lacks respect. It is an immature ego.

Graduated Confidence: This is the mature form of confidence. These individuals no longer strictly operate from their own world view. They allow the people in their lives to be the individuals that they are. Furthermore, they celebrate those individuals rather than expect them to conform to their own ideologies.

These individuals have the ability to see the people in their life for who they truly are. They do not project their own ego onto them and disparage them for having a different personality. That does not mean to say that they are oblivious to human flaws, but rather accepting. They do not need to control the other person by implying that they are flawed for not being 100% like them. They are not controlling. They do not project and judge.

They have true confidence. It is not threatened. It is mature. It is respectful. It is absent of ego.

It is important to point out that even in the best of relationships, egos can be involved during arguments or difficult times. We can temporarily fail to see people for who they are. We can also make people we love feel unfairly judged if we are worried about them. And of course, there are times of personal growth where there is real cause that someone needs to change their own behavior.

However, this explanation of ‘Confidence’ versus ‘Graduated Confidence’ is meant to speak to what I refer to as the ‘resting relationship.’ The climate of the overall relationship even when things are going well and are absent of strife or disagreements.

If you repeatedly do not feel good about yourself through the lens of the other person in the relationship –

then chances are, they didn’t have the ‘Graduated Confidence’ to see you to begin with. A controlling ego seldom permits you to be yourself.

The best friendships and relationships are achieved when both individuals possess ‘Graduated Confidence.’ It is the closest to unconditional love.

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