I shift through hangers in my closet.

I used to have one size clothing. My weight did not fluctuate. Honestly, neither did my mood.

I started gaining weight when I began losing myself.

Now that’s a powerful sentence. Let me add to that. I didn’t initially gain the pounds. The first five years of marital problems I was definitely internally unhappy but externally it was invisible.

The weight came when I stayed unhappy for too long.

So now I have two size clothing.

I have my pre-divorce clothing which I refer to as my Barbie clothes.

And my ‘this divorce has taken entirely too long’ plus size Barbie clothing.

I surprise myself as I swipe at my plus size Barbie clothes with a vengeance. I toss them into a goodwill trash bag.

I am committed. I am invested.

I am finally ready to leave all of the plus size pain behind me.

It may not sound like a huge emotional break-through but it is. I have feared discarding these clothes. What if I don’t lose the weight? What if I can’t afford to replace them? What if, what if.

The truth is…the ‘what if’s’ were simply fear. The fear that I was really emotionally strong enough again to regain my life.

I am.

I will no longer be a walking billboard for the emotional gain of sadness. I will not let divorce alter me. At least not for the worst.

There are definite stages in divorce. We meet them as we become ready.

Don’t let your divorce closet stay crowded with things that demand to be lost. Whether it be pounds, bitterness, or sadness gained.

We must choose to lose how we allowed another individual to change us.

I am buying new outfits. Barbie is ready to dress up again.

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