Most people think of ‘intimacy’ strictly in terms of romantic liaisons. The reality? An increasingly fast-paced, technology driven, take-out dinner society is hurting intimacy in all of our relationships.

Intimacy is a sharing of one’s self.

A few ways to restore emotional intimacy in your life:

Pick up the phone:

Nothing is perhaps more shocking or troubling than texting on birthdays and holidays. It illustrates the lack of emphasis, time and importance currently devoted to our personal relationships.

In a word, it is lazy or more aptly put it is ‘relationship lazy.’ 

Those two words do not play well together. We all text today and sadly, we are all guilty of glancing at a phone and ignoring a person we love because we are tired, we will get back to them or we are busy. The whole notion is contradictory to relationships. We have these treasured bonds in our lives because we supposedly value the people they are with.

Unfortunately, it seems the more we text, the lazier we become.  Conversation is the cornerstone of emotional intimacy and without it, the depth of the connection will wane with time.

Do something different together:

Routines are something to be celebrated. They develop their own unique memories and intimacy for couples, families, and friends.

Nonetheless, creating new experiences helps develop additional ways to share parts of ourselves with one another. It can also be a catalyst for exposing something we never knew about one another. This is true for all types of relationships. Visiting the town where you went to college could prompt you to tell your children how you met their father for the first time. Going boating for the first time could revive a great childhood memory which you never shared with your spouse. A sightseeing tour in the town where you grew up could remind you of a long forgotten story about your mom who your children never knew.

This is relationship gold is so many ways. It not only reinforces the intimacy of sharing but continues to build upon the foundation of love and family.

Keep televisions out of the bedroom:

Most people have heard this as great couples advice or even to improve sleep habits. However, children can benefit from television free sleep space as well. When the primary television is in a communal family space, it forces the family to spend time together. While watching a show is far from intimate conversational sharing, it does create a unified experience where people come together to laugh and to cry and share various other emotions.

When the primary television is in a communal family space, it forces the family to spend time together. While watching a show is far from intimate conversational sharing, it does create a unified experience where people come together to laugh and to cry and share various other emotions.

These shared life moments and adventures create an intimate history.

No phone and no laptop dinners:

This is a no-brainer and something which is continually emphasized not only for relationships but because it is rude behavior.

Perhaps, instead of viewing it as simply annoying, recognize it as the scary relationship killer which it truly is. Establish household rules, no different than leaving your muddy shoes at the door or dropping keys in a basket. Buy several wicker baskets or create a space in the kitchen, mudroom or family where all electronics are deposited. Then seek to establish the same rituals which you observe for other family routines by getting in the habit of depositing there for several hours during dinner or other family time.

It is isolating to stare at cell phones and laptops.

Furthermore, any communicating which is being done on those devices is with people outside of the home. The ones in the house should be the individuals which you are interacting with.

The prehistoric letter:

One of the most intimate things in the world is the written word and what it conveys. Take the time to write a card and include a memory or loving thoughts. Hence, not strictly an ‘I love you.’ Tell the recipient you heard a song which always makes you think of them, passed a childhood haunt where you laughed together, didn’t know how much you missed them until you spent time again recently.

Tell the recipient:

You heard a song which always makes you think of them.

Passed a childhood haunt where you laughed together.

Didn’t know how much you missed them until you spent time again recently.

Think ‘share’ and ‘share’ of yourself and of them.

 

Love is the best investment we can make in life. It’s important to slow down and make an assessment of the emotional intimacy in our relationships.

After all, we should without question, want to share as much as possible with those we love.

 

 

 

 

(Photos courtesy of Pexels)

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