Divorce! Everyone has an opinion, a judgment or advice on how to navigate it. 

Well, at least those who haven’t experienced it.

Those of us who have survived the rigors of matrimonial extrication offer more empathy than advice.

Think of it this way. A child is frightened to get an immunization. You assure them it will be fine. You promise them a treat once the immediate pain is over. This is how divorcing individuals communicate. We are well aware of the agony and the unavoidable pain so we sit with you, empathize, and then offer you a ‘wordy treat.’

We understand though some tools do help us survive divorce it’s ultimately an evolution of grief.

An inescapable heartache.

Then come the holidays. The ‘heart’ filled holidays! Where people talk about love and who they love and what they bought the one they love and where they will be spending time with the one they love.

You get the picture.

The holidays are one huge LOVE filled gift. Only that particular present isn’t under the Christmas tree for us this year. 

To the world, during the holidays we appear to be just like them. It’s only a divorce after all. No big deal! Santa will most assuredly drop LOVE under your tree next year. You’re better off! You are going to meet someone wonderful! You deserved better anyway! We never believed you married the right person anyway. New doors are about to open for you – we can feel it! And then the all inclusive…This time next year you will be a new person and this will all be behind you.

So a few items a girl might want to tuck into her purse to survive the holidays:

1. Kleenex: 

Tissues naturally for the annoyingly random love songs the radio spits out. And for the holiday tunes that evoke teary-eyed perfect family Christmas visions.

Grab more of the soft stuff to stifle the sniffles while you view the gorgeous family holiday cards spewing from your mailbox.

Save a few for the well-intentioned holiday wishes that certainly, you will lose the extra weight once the divorce is finalized. And of course, even at your age there are still plenty of fish in the sea.

2. A New Address Book:

Now you kinda saw this coming, didn’t you? You can’t keep all your people in a divorce. So tidy up that address book. Nah, much better to actually invest in a new one.

The holidays are a logical time to do this. After all, you no longer have to send your mother-in-law a gift. You don’t even have to send her a card this year.

Wow! One of the few items on the divorce menu where Kleenex isn’t a side dish. 

3. A Good Therapist’s Business Card:

Admit it! As divorcing peeps we may wear out our friends and family. Not a lot. Just a wee bit!

No one wants to be a Donner (sorry couldn’t help the wordplay) I mean a downer during the holidays.

Actually, go ahead and talk about Santa’s reindeer but bend your counselor’s ear about everything else.

4. Your Santa’s List:

Look, someone has to buy you a present this year and well, you’re kinda out of options. So make your list and check it twice and be nice to yourself.

Call it crazy, but spoiling yourself will be empowering and minimize the sense of loss.

You are taking care of yourself. You aren’t looking for someone to do it for you. Let’s rephrase that. You are loving yourself and not looking for someone to do that loving for you.

5. Gift Cards to Mingle Through the Jingle:

You might not have to look far for the gift cards. Friends and family seem to take pity on the divorcing and sheepishly buy them gift cards since money quickly becomes a commodity. You know I speak the truth. Birthdays and other holidays deliver coveted moolah loaded cards to ease your burdens.

If you have some great. If not, go buy a Starbucks, Whole Foods or other ‘mingle through the jingle’ type location gift cards.

Spend some time in these places that are filled with singles and not just couples and families. Have a hot chocolate while you fill out your cards. Stop to eat before or after you go grocery shopping.

So here you have it. A start to help you survive divorce during this holiday season.

There is one thing I left off the list…

A wine glass…

Just kidding you don’t want to carry that around in your purse all season!

Tuck that puppy into your evening bag.