I am driving down the road and realize something feels off today.

At first, I can’t put the proverbial finger on it.

Then I realize…

Wow, I actually slept through the entire night. No divorcemares. No tossing and turning. No up in the middle of the night.

I not only have my hair done I am in FULL makeup. Not the half up, half done look I have been sporting in divorce (at least way more than I should).I

In the first hour of being up I have made three normal life calls, such as doctor appointment, vet, car maintenance, etc.

And the scale indicates I have lost four of what I refer to as the ’30 pounds of “Ralph”‘ I have gained in divorce.

I know, it doesn’t sound all that earth-shattering. Yet when divorce shatters your world these little normalcies, the easy tasks of life which can be done with your hands tied behind your back become impossible.

You can’t think straight, you don’t sleep at night, you lose weight, you gain weight, you worry about your children, you stress about your finances and more.

So I am happy and proud to say I feel like a normal person today not an ’emotional hostage.’

Someone who can return to being a productive member of society and actually live daily life, rather than muddle my way through it.

It’s amazing what a few weeks of actual sleep can do for a person.

I must confess there is a reason for the soothing slumber. I found out something a few weeks ago. The kind of information which makes a person realize just how foolish they have been for the choices they have made in a relationship. And it lit a fire underneath me. I was furious. No, not at my husband. At myself for staying as long as I did and for making as many excuses as I did. For allowing someone to control me even in divorce and truth be told, more so in divorce.

I am done allowing the control in my life.

Still somehow trying to accommodate for fear there could be even greater consequences in divorce. Divorce doesn’t have to be this brutal. It doesn’t have to be this debilitating. It could actually be fair.

We can only control ourselves.

We can’t control others but we can control how much we allow someone else to control us.

When we figure out how to lessen their control over our lives we can reclaim them and our version of normalcy (and sleep).

I am driving down the road and realize something feels off today…

Or should I say on?

(Photo courtesy of Pexels)

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