I have always spoken to my children about love.

Relationships are both beautiful and tough even in the best of circumstances and those with ego can destroy another person.

I want them to know the type of love which is minus ego.

This means I must also raise them to be mature and confident enough to not operate from a point of ego themselves.

And to recognize indicators of those who do.

1. You better never need to make another person feel bad to make yourself feel good:

I have always told my children from the youngest of age they better never need to make another person feel bad to make themselves feel good.

It’s that simple.

If you need to hurt another in that way it’s important to look inward. What is making me either so unhappy with myself or sad I would inflict pain onto another person?

I tell them you need to be confident and happy enough in your own being in order to be truly kind.

 

2. The person you love is more important than being right:

It takes great confidence to be wrong.

It’s that’s simple.

A confident person is not threatened by being wrong because they care more about the other person than they do about themselves or proving a point.

I have taught my children there is nothing wrong with apologizing because the alternative means you may have the responsibility of another person’s pain.

And conversely, if another person fails to either apologize or to accept repeated apologies they lack the ability to set their ego aside.

 

3. A disrespectful person will take you down:

A disrespectful person is a difficult person.

It’s that simple.

Disrespectful people tend to lack fully graduated confidence because their ego prevents it. They tend to be controlling, judgemental, poor listeners – all, in all, a very difficult personality mix.

They will not allow another individual their truth but instead will project their own thoughts and views onto that person. They will control them because they need people to think and act like them. They will fail to listen and respond with a lack of respect and they will label it ‘disagreeing.’ It is not. It is a person who lacks the full confidence to let another human being be who they are.

A disrespectful person will not be able to love another person fully because their need to control them supersedes love.

 

4. A respectful  person will build  you up:

A respectful person makes you feel valued.

It’s that simple.

Respectful people tend to possess a fully graduated confidence which is minus ego.

They know both your strengths and your weaknesses and celebrate the first and do not prey on the latter.

Respectful people ‘see’ you. They do not see their projection of you or who they think you should be. They ‘see’ you and your own glorious individual truth. They are too confident to feel the need to be controlling or judgmental.

The best love comes from fully confident, mature, ego-less, respectful individuals.

 

5. A person who is mature understands how to love:

Love is self-responsible.

It’s that simple.

You should never have to beg a person you love to stop behaving badly, to care more about a relationship, to stop drinking, to go to counseling, etc.

Love is self-responsible.

I have taught my children they need to be responsible for themselves and their actions.

They should never put another person in a position to have to ‘beg’ or ‘nag’ them to remember something important, stop doing something destructive or care enough to value and remember them on a special day.

Nor should they ever believe they are being loved properly if they compromise and stay with a person who would play the child to their adult in a relationship.

A healthy love involves two individuals who accept responsibility for themselves rather than making another either overly responsible for them or the bad guy.

 

 

6. Understand the difference between loving with kindness rather than enabling:

Love is kind not enabling.

It’s that simple.

Love is being there for the one you love not ‘putting’ up with the one you love.

It is not staying in a bad situation too long because you make excuses for a person who continues to strain or stress the relationship.

Kindness is forgiving bad behavior once or twice, enabling is forgiving bad behavior over and over again.

You are not unkind for getting out of a bad situation. On the contrary, the one you love who has repeatedly hurt you is being unkind to you.

 

7. Love should be abundant:

There is not simply one way to love.

It’s that simple.

Don’t ever let someone put the way you love in a box.

Fortunately and grandly there are a plethora of ways to love.

I tell my children to use them all just as my own mother did.

Remember to write a note on a special day, leave a candy bar on a pillow, call instead of text, say ‘I love you’ out of the blue, send quotes that show encouragement and love, bring home flowers, hold hands, hug, never stop opening doors – NEVER stop inventing ways to show the people you love…you love them.

With love always think more.

That being said. Make sure you understand just what Love Language the one you love most requires and celebrate it.

Demand the same for yourself. If someone refuses your gifts or laughs at your notes – move on to someone new. A respectful person will never try and control your love this way.

 

 

8. Make sure your love is centered:

Make home your greatest love.

It’s that simple.

If not, the rest of the world becomes unbalanced.

I tell my children to never lose sight of who comes first in their lives and if they stay rooted in faith they never will.

The people you love are your greatest priority in life. 

It’s easy to lose focus with social functions, work obligations, charitable commitments and friends which all challenge to make the love of home a lower priority.

I tell my children and always have that family comes first. Period.

The people you love are your first priority and if you stay rooted in faith you will never lose sight of that.

If your relationship is suffering the rest of the world needs to be shut out until that love is healthy and strong again.

 

9. A person who loves well won’t be able to bear your pain:

Love doesn’t cry.

It’s that simple.

A person who loves you will be unable to watch you cry.

Crying is a submissive emotion and an individual who inflicts it or disregards it is looking for control and dominance.

They don’t love themselves enough to understand how to love another.

 

 

(Photo courtesy of Pexels)

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