Last week I was watching NBC’s First Dates (which I SO want to be on by the way). It’s a new show produced by Ellen DeGeneres and narrated by Drew Barrymore.

They teased the upcoming clips and right before I flipped the channel, I heard a guy say, “I just want to be important to someone.”

So simple isn’t it?

If someone loves you doesn’t that logically mean you will be important to that person?

But it’s just not that simple.

I never felt important to my husband.

In the counseling world, you learn to never use absolutes like ‘always’ and ‘never’  when communicating with your SO.

So perhaps I should retract my ‘never.’ However, I would still be hard-pressed to come up with multiple examples of times where I felt genuinely valued.

It was generally understood that his schedule took precedence in our lives.

It seemed to make sense to me when I was younger because he was self-employed. Somehow I listened to his words rather than comprehend no one works all of the time and there was still time for golf and card games and other things and there was most of the summer when he was off.

The thing is…I can’t blame my husband entirely.

I was never really comfortable with guys who paid too much attention to me. I liked hanging out with my girlfriends and doing my own thing. I liked walking into a party and talking to everyone there. After all, we were always together.

And that would have been okay if there had been a balance.

If on the non-golf, card, girlfriend and party days there was a feeling that nothing and no one else mattered. 

But there wasn’t.

You need to matter to someone.

You need to feel important to someone.

My husband never liked the women he felt ‘nagged’ their husbands. Of course, how could I not feel proud to not be one of the ‘non-naggers?’

In truth, no one should have to nag anyone to make them a priority. If you are then you are with someone who either is too selfish to step outside of their own world or too immature to realize they have to grow up.

Therefore, as much as I wanted to feel important to my husband – I did a pretty good job of showing him I could get it all done without nagging I mean asking for any help or for what was important to me.

I was an extreme. He was an extreme.

Good relationships don’t nag.

In good relationships, you don’t need to nag.

You just matter to someone.

You just feel important to someone.

(Photo courtesy of Pexels)

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