How do you get away from a bully?

The first answer is not widely accepted. 

You can’t. There are bullies in this world. It is a part of life. We can’t escape it. 

This will not be a popular answer to many. 

They want to fight the bully. Correct the injustice. Right the wrong. 

I get it. At one point so did I

Bullies are inherently weak and insecure people. They need to make others feel bad in order to make themselves feel good. 

Be it the spouse who brutalizes you in divorce, the boss who persecutes you or…

The classic origin of the adult bully – the child who terrorizes others at school and on the playground.

Can a bully be reformed? Potentially, once they right the internal pains which plague them.

But we can’t change them. And the more we fight them the more power they possess over us, our children or loved ones. 

There will always be an apathetic teacher, manager, family member or friend who looks the other way while the bully feeds their emotional cravings and enlarges their already dangerous cavity. For every individual outraged there will be equally as many who look the other way while injustice temporarily succeeds.

It’s a battle that can’t be won.

We try our best to force marriages and jobs to function properly but some just can’t be saved. And fighting that other person doesn’t right the wrong as we naively believe – it simply lessens us. So rather than focusing on the power of the bully and how to stop them, we should concentrate on ourselves.

Fighting a bully is akin to fighting the establishment. They will always exist.

The true empowerment comes from teaching children and adults how to render the bully powerless.

Many choose to leave schools, jobs, and marriages – a  personal choice which may be necessary depending on the situation. However, this won’t always alleviate the bullying. It continues in the neighborhood or through the divorce. And people will continue to look the other way.

We gain true empowerment pouring water over the Wicked Witch and watching them dissolve out of our lives.

In the bullying world that ‘water’ is ‘caring.’ 

This bears repeating.

Bullies retain their rule because the person they are going after ‘cares.’

We can’t ‘care’ about anything a bully says or does. Whether it’s calling names or making threats or any other subhuman tactics.

“You hate me.” – I’m sure you do.

“You think I’m a terrible athlete.” – I am.

“You are going to fire me.” – Go ahead.

“You won’t send child support.” – Fine.

These calm and confident answers shut down the bully. It leaves them starving. They aren’t getting the emotional food they are hunting for. Their words mean nothing now.

I have witnessed child bullies and adult bullies. I have been bullied in divorce in a manner I never believed possible. The more I fought the injustice the more it weakened me and the more it fed the beast. The more I cared about the next tactic and threat the more frazzled I became. Before long, my life was no longer my own.

It was controlled by a bully.

A few months ago, I stopped caring. The bully was going to do what he was going to do regardless of my worry. When I stopped caring the fear evaporated.

The same is true with children. We are looking for solutions everywhere. We want adults to monitor. To make sure everything will be okay. 

We aren’t with our children all the time.

We have to teach them how to self-protect and walk away from anyone who mistreats them. These people aren’t worth caring about even momentarily. This is life. People will be unfair. People will be mean.

Allowing ourselves to be consumed…

To fight the bully. Correct the injustice. Right the wrong. 

Just gives the bully more power to rule our day to day world.

The spotlight should no longer illuminate the Wicked Witch but rather our own proverbial  ‘magic shoes’ where the power has been all along.

(Photo courtesy of Pexels)

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