Pain is one of the staples in the life’s emotional kitchen.

We all deal with it differently.

We know this.

But do we recognize how we deal with it ourselves?

It should be dealt with. It should not be passed along like a baton. If so, it shifts from personal pain and becomes someone else’s pain.

Or what could be referred to as ‘selfish pain.’

We should be selfless in our pain which means being accountable and self-responsible enough to recognize and address our angst.

Just because we are suffering does not mean others should as well. No matter how close we are to them.

Unfortunately, most individuals do not recognize their faults or at least those they are unable to see. Therefore, one may feel they deal with stress, worry and hurt quite well while others around them may feel differently.

One thing is for certain…

Pain will find its way out.

It can’t be suppressed. It becomes an even greater enemy if it is. And worse, can take up personal residence within us and change the people we innately are.

This is another reason to not only be self-accountable but to self-protect. Do not let another individual or a hurt threaten to destroy the best parts of you or those you love.

Of course, lots of daily or ordinary pain does find a way in and out of us easily. 

It is the prolonged or raw and very deep pain which has the most complicated exit strategies.

Ask yourself, does your pain find its way out in a selfish or selfless way? If you believe you identify with one of these 3 ways your pain is finding its way out into the world and onto others counseling might be a healthy option.

1. Reactionary Behavior:

The Reactionary person tends to lash out at people when they are suffering.

And this is not just in the form of overt anger directed at the individual who wronged them.

Their tone, in general, may easily shift from happy to sounding annoyed, intolerant or condescending.

A reactionary individual may have a bite to accompany their bark. Their pain transcends and feels like an attack on others and not necessarily the person who may have hurt them.

This reactionary behavior may go quite unnoticed by the person behaving this way. They believe they are dealing with their pain and are not always aware of the fact they are actually taking it out on those around them.
2. Retreat and Withdrawal:

The retreat and withdrawal behavior is a manner of attempting to hide the pain from the world. 

This individual believes if they do not let another person see their pain it does not exist.

Sadly, just as in the above example, pain is often visible to the outside world whether we want it to be or not.

Happy people don’t lash out nor do they retire from the world.

Unfortunately, the more you isolate yourself you do impact those who love you. They will worry and not know exactly how to help and they will miss the precious time spent with you.

 

3. Withholding:

Withholding behavior ends up complicating pain by adding a third party.

It could be internalized to the point where there is weight gain or over shopping or alcohol.

 

The longer the pain resides without being attended to the more one may reach for the Reubens, retail, or rose.

It is an insidious slope and imperative to resolve the angst even if it’s not resulting in true abuse of food, money or alcohol.

 

Somehow we are conditioned to believe we are meant to know it all, be able to handle everything and go it alone.

In fact, it takes great strength to seek to counsel in periods of undue duress or heartache.

It’s responsible to take full responsibility for ourselves.

 

(Photo courtesy of Pexels)

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