I like to listen to Joel Osteen sermons.

He’s the perfect intersection of spirituality, humor, positivity and the human condition.

I especially love the human part where Joel admits it’s all hard.

On this particular evening, I am listening to him speak about forgiving my enemies.

Do I have to? I really am not feeling it and after all, even Joel admits he finds it a bit challenging at times.

Here’s the thing, I truly am ready for the forgiveness phase if only I could move past ‘Go’ on the game board of divorce.

How do you forgive when the opponents game piece keeps advancing?

Okay, I know Joel is right. Even as I toss and turn on yet another stress filled night as his inspirational words finally calm me enough to induce slumber.

I WILL forgive my enemy.

I will do the right thing.

If I may make a disclaimer…

Before this whole marriage snafu and divorce nonsense started I was the kinda person who forgave EVERYBODY and I do mean EVERYBODY!

Better yet, I had the whole joy of life thing down to a science. I was the person who walked in the door laughing announcing the flat tire I had experienced on the way there. It was a true gift. My mom and my uncle the priest always told me so.

The joy of life thing that is – not the forgiving part. Forgiving is always hard. It’s a choice which is in many ways harder than making a decision to be happy. Choosing to will yourself into happiness involves just you. Choosing to forgive always involves a far more complicated interpretation of just you and what you can and can’t accept.

But I digress…

The next morning I wake-up a better person.

After all, I did listen to Joel. I’m going to keep my word on this whole forgiveness front.

I let my girls Hazel and Phyllis out and place my purse in my car. On second thought, Phyllis is just a puppy so I let them out yet again and return to my car lunch in tow.

The door refuses to open. Somehow I have locked my keys in the car – no doubt a result of my second doggie run.

I schlep down the street towards my neighbor’s house. A truck stops. We chat for a moment and I bid him farewell. A couple more steps, a knock at the door and a few keys later, I am driving my neighbor’s car.

I walk into work sporting a Rodan + Fields No Makeup Selfie look.

Not entirely the best office attire – more of a #RFGoNaked Facebook pic. But, at this moment, my makeup, money, and mobile remain locked in my car outside the house where at least Hazel and Phyllis have no immediate needs.

At first, I attempt to explain my ‘natural look’ to co-workers.

Funny, it’s not met with the same enthusiastic R + D Facebook thread comments – such as; “Hey, you’re still beautiful!” “Really, no makeup?” “You look even more amazing” or my fav “Absolutely stunning!”

Nope. Just a few kind hearted and empathetic smiles – like I get it! That stinks.

No matter.

I am going to get through the day because this re-emerging cup is half full girl is sans her makeup, money, and mobile but she does have her munchies. There will be no mascara, moola or moments from Facebook but I WILL be able to eat something over the next nine hours.

While my friends laugh at my morning escapades, one innocently inquires if the construction guy stopped his truck to whistle at me.

Really?

I don’t think so, but I do relish her genuineness – she was the only one to give me a somewhat FB’esque Rodan + Fields No Makeup ‘You look fabulous’ comment. And she now reigns as my new favorite.

In fact, it was quite the opposite. The truck yielding construction guy had taken pity on my needy self and stopped to make sure I was okay.

Maybe I should have said he whistled. It would make a far better story.

Once I settled in for the morning I couldn’t help but think of Joel.

My life was a whole lot calmer before the guy who was determined to win the game of divorce and keep my game piece stuck at ‘Go.’

I didn’t lock keys in my car and sport the Rodan + Fields look (at work that is).

My life was Even Steven – steady Eddie. It was balanced and it glided. 

On the positive Joel Osteen side – I did realize in the world of makeup, money, and mobile – I’m okay as long as my basic needs are met.

That being munchies. As long as I am full I can do without the rest.

A bit of a nod to Joel’s spiritual words – as long as we are sustained by the right focus – everything else either falls into place or doesn’t matter.

I made it home too tired to listen to Joel that night. The next day as I made my way into work I overheard my friend ask if Colleen made it into work with her makeup on today?

I had two thoughts…

I loved his sense of humor and empathy to my plight (that being the game of divorce rather than sans the makeup).

And I considered going rogue as in permanently Rodan + Fields No Makeup Selfie.

Because for the writer in me who takes it all off emotionally…

It felt incredibly ‘freeing’ to match physically.

Ironically, forgiveness is something we are often forced to do, makes us feel incredibly naked, impossibly renewed, and absolutely stunning!

Sometimes we are locked out of life until there is no other choice but to schlep our humble selves down the street completely exposed.

Without a whistle…

 

 

(Photo courtesy of Pexels)

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