On August 27th, 1988 I never imagined this would be how I’d spend my 29th wedding anniversary.

And certainly, August 13th, 2013 when I retained a divorce attorney, I never would have believed I’d still be married on this particular day.

Yet, here I am.

The irony is not lost on me. That I am alone today when it is the very reason I left my marriage. The tremendous sense of loneliness despite living with another human being. which makes it even odder that he resists letting me go.

Tonight I indulge in a bit of The Real Housewives of Orange County.

Tamra speaks of her estrangement from her daughter and the ill effects of divorce.

As she cries, I cry. 

And then she explains how she distanced herself from her own father for ten years and how horrible divorce is.

Yes, divorce is horrible.

But what makes it so much worse is the lack of support systems for the men, women, and children experiencing it.

It’s a positive thing to get away from lonely…to get away from unhealthy and unhappiness. 

Divorce is an option people make to protect an injured family. 

A chance for a new beginning and the hope children will recognize a house filled with love again.

Yet, we live in fractured relationships for far too long and this compounds divorce. It can lead people to make less than desirable decisions and it can prolong pain to a point an injured person wants to retaliate.

That’s what makes divorce so horrible.

The emotions which linger are damaging.

Divorce is not the time to prolong the pain of marriage.

It’s the moment to grow up and accept the choices and mistakes we made.

On this 29th wedding anniversary, I completely recognize and understand the weight I have placed on my children by the choices I have made. It is in large part anyone who knows me, realizes how frightened I was to walk down the aisle all those years ago. I was well aware marriage was a major life decision

I was well aware marriage was a major life decision I would make which would one day impact others.

And I knew from growing up, one spouse could change everything despite the other spouse’s best intentions.

All of our kids deserve better.

The problem?

We can’t make another person do the right thing.

It’s up to each individual who enters into marriage to hold themselves to a higher accountability.

To be mature enough to be self-responsible.

In marriage AND divorce.

I never imagined this is how I would be spending my 29th wedding anniversary but as I feel Tamra’s pain I know this was meant to be my path. 

I just wish it hadn’t been my children’s.

 

(Photo courtesy of Pexels)

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