As parents, we LOVE to do things for our children. 

After all, it’s an expression of love.

How could it be a bad thing?

Or could it be?

There comes an age where doing too much for our children WILL negatively impact their future relationships.

In a word –

It’s called self-responsibility and it is our job as parents to raise our children to learn to take accountability and responsibility for themselves, their choices and their actions. 

You need to ask yourself if you are still driving forgotten homework or lunches to school is it age appropriate? Likewise, doing all their laundry and other chores which symbolize a start to maturity and accepting responsibility for themselves and being a part of a family.

There is a reason for the popular expression: We aren’t raising children we are raising adults.

Add to that, an expression I myself coined: I am tired of watching children walking around masquerading as adults.

It is hard for parents to pull in the loving reigns; however, if our children are not taught self-accountability it will hurt them in their adult lives.

They will be the person who turns their spouse into a mommy or a daddy rather than a healthy relationship equal. 

For instance, the spouse who is asked to bring milk or diapers home and forgets. The true problem with this scenario? The spouse shouldn’t necessarily be asked at least not constantly. The spouse should recognize the need to be self-accountable for their lives and family and make the occasional call to see if something needs to be picked up.

Another example – the spouse who is constantly late. It’s not up to the other spouse to turn into a parent and nag or beg them not to be late. It is up to the adult who is late to take accountability for a behavior which often stresses the people it impacts and take responsibility for themselves and address it.

If these two scenarios do not grab your attention perhaps this will.

The relationships in the home often go out into the world and manifest themselves in the workplace as well. This means a child who is not taught to be self-accountable will have someone who assumes the position of work mommy or work daddy and prods, reminds and rescues them at work as well. This a proven phenomenon. It’s because in unhealthy families we play roles enabler, the golden child, etc. and then we go out into the world and attract ourselves to romantic relationships that replicate this and we remain in work relationships which also duplicate this.

Therefore, in the name of LOVE…

One of the best things we can do for our children is teaching them to be self-responsible.

It need not be filled with drama or emotion or fights but rather a plan.

In the second grade, I went into one of my children’s teachers and explained I would be allowing him to forget his homework for the week. And would it be okay with her as I believed if I didn’t do it now it would continue into high school. Her response surprised me. She told me she absolutely supported that and she wished more parents would do so. Then I explained to my son I was teaching him to remember his own homework.

There were no tears or drama or yelling. A week later we had resolved the situation. My son never forgot his homework again. That is the magic of consequences. They speak so much louder than yelling and frustration.

Of course, both parents have to be on the same page.

When my divorce began and my husband contradicted my parenting I had to once again deal with the subject of self-responsibility. It caused chaos and stress and yelling. It temporarily damaged otherwise wonderful relationships.

Because when one is a part of a relationship, family or workplace their behavior impacts others.

It’s not okay to act and do as one pleases.

One must be self-responsible. 

If not, they selfishly dump onto those they love and make them have to be overly responsible for them because they lack self-responsibility and are under accountable for their own life.

We must teach our children to be responsible for their own behavior good and bad and their own choices and responsibilities.

It will allow them to walk through life as capable and mature adults, not needy children.

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