Of course, there’s the obvious reason we get stressed around the holidays. 

There is twice as much to do in the same amount of time normally allotted for work and family and fun.

But what really underlies the holiday hype in many relationships?

Our issues remain dormant throughout much of the year – somehow we stay in our own lanes and navigate around them.

We also generally do not need people to get through our day to day routines. Most independent individuals are just not that needy on a daily basis. The holidays; however, demand support.

They make us needy.

Someone else in the house may need to run an errand or do the wash. And we end up asking for more help than we normally do. Or we sit and stew and do it all while complaining the burden falls entirely on one person.

Did I say burden?

I mean joyful holiday duties.

Somehow when done solo rather than in unison they become the five-headed holiday monster rather than the serene bliss of family, friends, and giving. You know, what the season is truly about.

Therefore, the holidays can significantly disrupt a relationship. They can unearth the wounds that exist between two people and an entire family. Worse, if they begin in your own home they can ripple out to your extended family who do not deserve a holiday interrupted.

Believe me, I know of what I speak. 

The conflict between my husband and I extended to conflict with my children and I once I initiated divorce. Of course, this is not typical of divorce. This is indicative of children being ‘used and confused’ and a parent or parent(s) not putting them first in the divorce process.

Regardless, holiday stress can extend its tentacles outside our homes.

Thus, we get out of those lanes we have been traveling in and swerve into the next persons because holidays are about family after all.

We stay in our own lanes most of the year as a coping mechanism. We can’t solve relationship issues alone. It takes two people to want a more positive love between them. We don’t want to leave so we find an alternate solution.

What could be called a relationship parallel play? 

We exist in our homes as toddlers do. Playing next to one another but not really interacting. We are focused on our own toys and playdates.

And it works for injured relationships.

Until we are forced to play together, share our toys and families and playdates in unison.

The secret to lowering holiday stress?

Addressing the issues we ignore the remainder of the year.

Leaving our own lanes and commuting together.

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