There have been numerous articles out recently about Flip or Flop star Tarek El Moussa’s divorce.

What caught my attention were his comments (and I paraphrase) that his adverse reactions to medications and his divorce were worse than cancer.

This reminds me of a friend who once told me, “I buried one husband and divorced another. Divorce is worse.”

These comments must seem shocking to anyone who has suffered the death of a spouse or cancer.

I understand that reaction.

What it does express are the very real physical and emotional ailments which accompany divorce.

I have been quick to point out that despite watching my mom and a few I love experience divorce even I didn’t grasp the resounding aches which accompany it.

Until I experienced it myself. 

I’ve spoken about a few of the reasons I believe explain even my friend’s comment regarding death and divorce.

In death, there is a closure and the person remains the same.

In divorce, the closure can be elusive as the individual still walks amongst the ruin of what was once built by two. Additionally, divorce causes the emotional death of a person once loved. It can include but not be limited to someone who betrayed the trust by cheating, walked away from their children, etc. These types of actions bring about the death of the person one thought they initially knew.

It causes a huge conflict within their spouse.

Did I ever know this person? Did I marry an illusion? Was any of this real? 

Add to that, the fact people show up in a loss and they retreat out of people’s lives in divorce.

Therefore, the losses are exponential.

There is no denying the magnitude of a human being lost.

Certainly, this can be attested to by a young girl who lost both of her parents within six months at the age of only twenty-eight. I am overly empathetic and familiar with loss.

There are just some inexplicable components of ongoing emotional loss in a divorce. 

It is why I write to elevate awareness of this condition.

And the many accompanying and inexplicable inequities.

For instance, a woman whose husband cheats is typically surrounded by not just her female friends but the men as well. The couples who once surrounded them – even the men show up for this woman. Declaring their friend’s actions despicable.

This is a betrayal society understands.

Yet, they will watch a man capable of emotional and financial abuse and look the other way. Somehow men hiding money and abandoning a family is less egregious than cheating.

Divorce is a misunderstood frontier.

Except, sadly to those who have experienced it.

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