Suffice it to say agreements don’t always get honored.

Of course, I knew this was coming, I just didn’t realize it would happen so quickly.

I think this is a nice way of saying what many in divorce experience – ruthless divorces are often tag teamed by continuing antics.

It’s about control and money.

Needless to say, I have spent the past week in a whirlwind running interference.

Primarily in the area of housing which may now be a crisis rather than the formerly agreed upon plan.

Those in my world, supportive and caring and understanding as ever – have watched as my children and I deal with yet another unnecessary crisis.

I’m not gonna lie.

It feels like a significant setback, like walking backward in time. 

Just when I was about to start writing about all the new, exciting and inspiring purpose that can evolve from unwanted change.

And then tonight as I lay restless, I remembered a mantra I began repeating to myself when things were at their worst. When I felt beyond frustrated and hopeless that I was more controlled by a man in divorce than I had been in marriage. When all I was fighting for was a chance to be free and start over and the bare essentials to do so. Not savings or retirement or big numbers just the bare minimum.

This mantra reinforces I was allowing the control (no matter how bad the situation was) I was making it even worse by being swept up in fear. Regardless of what he could do, my faith tells me only one person is truly in control.

God is in control.

Therefore, my mantra…

“Blank (insert name)” is not in control. God is in control.

As I said this tonight, fear and anxiety fell quiet.

This is a temporary hiccup.

This was always God’s timing.

Despite the mistakes, I made along the way, despite my now ex-husband’s prolonged resistance, despite my inability to free myself from a marriage, despite this huge, complex journey…

God was taking me towards this moment.

This time of simultaneous closure and new beginnings. 

Which reinforces not just doors but windows are flying open.

And one person can try and close them…

but what’s that quote??

“If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.”

God is in control.

This interference, aka hiccup, is only going to reinforce this new beginning.

 

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