I walk the streets of New York City. I pass the Ritz Carlton at Central Park. I spy the horse carriages. At first, I revel with excitement.

Since I was a little girl going home to my parents native New York, I have delighted in the horses of Central Park.

My mood shifts from joy to frustration.

Fifty bucks??!! How many times did fifty dollars (or less) get in the way of my marriage? Sure, I know what you are thinking. It may cost more than that now but it didn’t years ago.

My oldest son walks beside me.

“Don’t ever choose money over what will bring a person you love great joy.”

Then I begin to think of different scenarios.

The Starbuck’s runs that I was chastised for. “Who needs a $3 cup of coffee?” he would ask. “An eighty cent cup of coffee from a gas station is good enough for me.”

My husband liked to bill me as a big spender.

The truth? A child raised by a single parent who worked full summers since she was eleven babysitting and then after at a vet and kennel, put herself through college, bought her own first car, etc…

I was hardly a reckless spender. In fact, the nearly twenty years I handled the bills we had a surplus of savings and investments. I feared financial stress because of the way that I grew up.

This type of financial pettiness and control was something which was foreign to me. Though my mother struggled at times, we did without nothing and money was never the basis for evaluating love.

In fact, in my family, it’s best not to let others know if there is something you love or something that you want because they will go out and buy it immediately. Often, at the exclusion of something which they may want. Money was never a calculation of love. It was meaningless if it meant one we loved would derive some type of joy.

It’s funny the controlling limits that some individuals put on love. Becoming judge and jury as to what a spouse should be allowed to do and not allowed to do.

A generous spirit enables the best type of love.

I look back at the horse and carriages. I will ride them alone one day.

No, I think. I probably won’t. I am no longer the young romantic. Instead, I will wonder how hot the horses are and what their quality of life is like.

The moment has passed.

And so has the time another individual will infer I am not worth fifty dollars or less.

(Photos courtesy of Pexels)
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