“Why did you do it?”

I am asked that question frequently. You may be surprised at the remarks that fly my way…

“Lots of couples are unhappy,”
“It’s better for the kids to stay married,”
“Who do you know that truly has a happy marriage?”
“Stay together for the kids and just live your own life.”
“How will you support yourself and your family after all of these years?”
“The grass is never greener.”
“All men are the same.”

Yes, this is just a bit of the ‘marriage / divorce urban legend’ which exists out there. However, for me, my relationship was at a serious weighted deficit.

So I asked myself these questions:

Had I exhausted marital counseling?
Had I assessed our priorities to make sure we were living God and family first?
Had I exhausted personal counseling and self-assessment?
Had the example for my children become less than favorable?
Had one party made it clear that relationship growth would not be possible?
Had only one of us attempted to fix our problems?
Had I sought and exhausted the counsel of clergy, family and friends?
Had we emotionally outgrown one another?
Had our relationship become unhealthy?
Had my worries for my children duplicating this type of relationship grown?

The answer to all of these questions was ‘yes.’

In addition to that, my own personal ‘brand’ no longer had any real shelf value. If I no longer had a strong and authentic self (brand) then how could my purpose be profitable in life? How would I be of value and not waste what I am meant to contribute to my children, my family, my friends and to the world?

I believe that only in happiness can we truly be generous in life…
generous of heart,
generous of love,
generous of kindness,
generous of respect,
generous of loyalty,
generous of confidence
and generous of spirit.

I knew that I need to be happy enough to be a giver again. It is my utmost personal belief that unhappiness makes us takers. I had spent far too much time immersed in my own little world and my own problems. I did not enjoy the world view from that place. I was reduced to depleting those I loved and not rejuvenating them.

Therefore, the simple truth…
The day came when my fear of staying overpowered my fear of leaving.

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