I have always been somewhat self-deprecating but not what I would call extreme. 

Recently, as someone complimented me I caught myself once again, taking back their compliment.

Instead of humbly replying with a ‘thank you’ I apologized about my weight gain.

Something to the effect, “Ugh, I don’t look anything like myself.”

This is my new ‘schtick.’ An adapted response cultivated to match my stress accompanied weight gain.

I have always felt comfortable in my own skin…until these past few years.

This happens to many of us for various mid-life reasons, aging parents, work problems, relationship issues and more. Instead of working out while processing these emotions we pig out. Or if it isn’t weight gain that ails you it may be something else. A need to invest more time in yourself to feel better, an updated wardrobe, anything that makes you feel ‘new’ again.

So, if you find yourself taking back compliments, you need to ask yourself why?

In my case, as I mentioned, I knew immediately it was the weight I have gained along with a little bit of not entirely feeling myself still. But I am tired of apologizing. I want to feel good enough about myself to be gracious again.

Address It:

What is making you withdraw the compliment? You can’t reclaim it until you address it.

Your Trouble Spot:

What took you off course?

When did you go from feeling good about yourself to being apologetic? What happened? Did you spread yourself too thin? Are you not getting enough sleep? Are you stressed without an appropriate outlet? Have you gained weight? Do you hate your job? Did you abandon healthy habits and if so, why?

Identify when you went off course so you do not allow it to happen again.

For instance, I did not gain weight in an unhappy marriage. I gained during the years I felt controlled and unable to get away even in divorce. Once, I realized it was about feeling out of control it gave me the sense I could be in control.

What Steps Can You Take:

What is the first thing you can do to address what is making you feel uncomfortable in your own skin?

Do you need to work out? Do you need a new wardrobe? Do you need invest time in yourself with regular pedicures or by taking a new class? Do you need to talk to a counselor about a pressing issue at home? Do you need help in caring for your aging parent because you are stretched too thin?

You must first determine why you are overly self-deprecating, then what is the cause of it, and then make a plan of action to reclaim yourself.

Conquer It:

The people we love can tell us a thousand times over what they love about us –  if we do not love ourselves it does not work.

Focus on what you love about you or what you used to love that you lost.

Go so far as to write a list. Maybe you felt better when you went to bed early and started your day off right, or you love caring for your parents but realize you do an even better job when you get a periodic break, you used to love feeling stylish and now you don’t, you used to love feeling energetic and now you’re weary.

Go back to a time when you remember feeling great about who you are, how you looked, and how you interacted with people.

 

Get out of the overly self-deprecating rut. You owe it to yourself. People are not seeing the real you. They are seeing an apologetic person who has become accustomed to accepting a less happy version of themselves.

Acknowledge you let something in your life go on for far too long.

Take your life back, smile and say ‘thank you.’

(Photo courtesy of Pexels)

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