A friend said recently that they wondered if there were a possibility that my soon to be ex-husband and me might work things out.

Surprisingly, this is something I have heard more than once.

The answer is no.

All the kings horses and all the kings men could not put Humpty Dumpty together again. Even if they called in a second kingdom’s worth of horses and men.

What they see is me making a very strong effort to co-exist. It’s not comfortable and frankly, there are times I wish I didn’t hear my mother in my ear saying, “Do the right thing.”

I am weary of doing the right thing.

It’s not comfortable sitting across from someone who you once built a life around as the new agenda is to take that life apart. It’s not comfortable seeing laughter and social chit chat when you have felt the tears and silence.

It’s like watching a movie of your life – only a really bad B movie or a horror flick. One that doesn’t have the ending that you wanted.

It’s funny because in many ways my own kids do not have the expectation that we co-exist, yet society seems to demand it. Or is it really that people don’t like change so we have to play parts until the expectation of us isn’t quite so high.

In divorce, often people tell us what we should do. It reminds me of grief when people tell you that you should be over it by now or moving on by now.

The answer is no.

No outside source should tell us how they need us to fit into their world while our world is falling apart.

Doing the right thing for so long actually is what got me into trouble in my marriage. I was extreme. Always doing what I believed right over my own feelings. It was not a good balance. I never chose myself. In fact, many divorces happen because one spouse was investing more of themselves than the other in the relationship.

Divorce is me choosing myself.

I don’t need to do what’s right for everyone else anymore. I need to do what’s right for me.

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