What if the “X” in “X-Files” stood for Christ?

It wouldn’t be a surprise to those who believe that the Bible is full of evidence of extraterrestrial visitations and manipulations. But while it’s true that Erich Von Daniken’s 1974 book “Chariots of the Gods” explored aliens visiting ancient Egypt and Peru, rarely are such theories applied to the Abrahamic religions. In truth, however, “the biblical religion is an example of how [aliens] have shaped our development”–at least according to one researcher interviewed on the History Channel’s “UFO Files: UFOs in the Bible,”

Featuring Dr. Barry Downing, a Presbyterian minister and UFOlogist, and other researchers, the show explores some of the exemplars of extraterrestrial encounters found in both the Old and New Testaments and touches on other cultures’ close encounters of the third kind.

According to these researchers, it’s the Old Testament that can be dubbed the Extraterestrial Testament for all the alien activity contained in it. To listen to these scholars tell it, the burning chariots of fire that Elijah saw was a detailed decription of an encounter with a UFO. And, in fact, Elijah’s disappearance into the clouds was no mere Assumption, but an alien abduction.

The pillar of cloud, or smoke, that led Moses out of Egypt? A UFO, the propulsion system of which parted the Red Sea. And it conveniently dropped mana as well. What’s more, Isaac was implanted in Sara by ETs, and the prophets were all fed visions of the future through mind control.

The book of Ezekiel has the honor of being UFOlogists favorite evidence for flying saucers in Scripture, with its descriptions of flying, spinning, glowing metallic objects in the sky.

And the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah? Alien nuclear warheads, of course.

The New Testament doesn’t contain as much UFO evidence, but the one event the panelists point to as proof proves the dictum “quality over quantity”: The Transfiguration of Jesus–who, coincidentally, was accompanied by “abductees” Elijah and Moses.

According to one interviewee, the Vatican itself has even made a statement saying that aliens are “not to be feared or demonized,” a statement which, astonishingly enough, turns out to be an apparent hoax, according to a quick internet search.

And that’s where the show really fails. Contradicting viewpoints are only presented in the last 10 minutes, the archeological evidence they highlight doesn’t prove or disprove anything (Sodom and Gomorrah did burn to the ground! But noone knows why), and we never hear a reason why these aliens would care to shape the course of human events.

I’ll be the first to admit that I have an extremely hard time believing that technologically advanced beings from outer space shaped the Judeo-Christian religion as we know it. On the other hand, I don’t have a hard time accepting the concept of the Holy Trinity, three persons in one. In the end, both positions require a leap of faith.