It’s no secret that I’m not a huge fan of secretive, esoteric, spiritual communities that charge loads of money to reach higher levels of enlightenment (unless of course they involve cool decoder rings), so what I’m about to say is a bit uncharacteristic: Scientology, please help Jeff Conaway and Pete Doherty. Now, I don’t say this lightly, but obviously conventional rehab has not worked for the former “Grease” star, who has done rehab some eight times, and the perennially unwashed Babyshambles front man, Doherty, who is in and out of jail the way most people stop by their neighbor’s for tea.

So when The Sun reported that Kate Moss’ ex was now obsessed with studying Scientology and Us Weekly wrote that Conaway was getting assistance from his one-time co-star John Travolta, I was actually pleased. Yes, the detox methods the group prescribes are controversial, some say harmful, but did you watch “Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew,” did you see Conaway drool on himself, ramble incoherently, and shed any last shred of dignity? If you did, then you would find couch-jumping a completely acceptable behavior.
Obviously Alcoholics/Narcotic Anonymous and traditional rehabilitation has not worked for these two, and there are some that would argue AA is just as cultish as Scientology anyhow. So, I say with all reservations about the belief system aside, let them try Scientology; Kirstie Alley credits it with helping her kick a drug habit. Who knows, maybe we’ll see a healthy Conaway starring in a hit sitcom like “Cheers” or Doherty hawking Pier One wares real soon.