Just like a prayer, Madonna knew God was with her when she was hospitalized in the ICU with a “serious bacterial infection” in June. The singer recalled the “near-death experience” at her sold-out Los Angeles show and told fans that her first word coming out of an induced coma after four days was “no,” according to People.

Madonna said, “I’m pretty sure that was God saying to me, ‘Do you want to come? Want to come up with me? No.’” The pop icon was forced to reschedule a number of dates on her Celebration World Tour in June due to a medical issue. Her longtime manager, Guy Oseary, wrote on Instagram at the time, “On Saturday, June 24, Madonna developed a serious bacterial infection which lead (sic) to a several day stay in the ICU. Her health is improving; however, she is still under medical care. A full recovery is expected.”

Madonna previously canceled a string of shows on her last tour in 2019 due to a knee injury and ultimately ended the tour early. According to the outlet, she said, “This show every night is not really so hard on me physically. It’s hard on me emotionally because I’m really telling you the story of my life. My heart is on my sleeve. I’ve fallen off a lot of horses and broken a lot of bones, but nothing can stop me.” She later recalled a conversation with Oseary while she was hospitalized.

She said, “He said, ‘Well, when do you think you want to go back on tour?’ I took the oxygen out of my nose. I looked at him, and I said, ‘In two f—ing months!’ I just said it. Sometimes, you just have to say s— [and] put it out in the universe. And it happens.” The “Crazy for You” singer gave a shoutout to her doctor, who was in the audience and remembered feeling antsy about getting back to performing for her fans once again.

She said, “I would call in every other day and ask [my doctor] why I didn’t have any energy; when was my energy going to come back? When was I going to feel like myself again? When can I go on tour again? All he would say is, ‘Go outside in the sun.’  It was so hard for me to walk from my house to the backyard and sit in the sun. I know that sounds insane, but it was difficult.”

Ultimately, her health scare forced Madonna to slow down and listen to her body. “It’s a strange thing to finally not feel like I was in control, and that was my lesson: to let go,” she said.