On November 10, 2015, Pastor Davey Blackburn entered his Indianapolis home after working out at the gym and found a horrific sight. His wife of seven years, Amanda, was lying on the living room floor in a pool of blood. His 15-month-old son, Weston, was also home at the time, but was thankfully unhurt and in his crib. Thinking initially that Amanda, who was 13 weeks pregnant at the time, had somehow fallen and hurt herself, Amanda was taken to the hospital. It was then that Blackburn realized his wife had been shot.

It was a stunning revelation. Indianapolis had been a calling for the Blackburns, who served as pastors and church planters. The neighborhood they lived in had also seemed so safe. “It felt so safe that we hardly ever locked our doors,” Blackburn told Inside Edition. “Sometimes we’d go for a walk with our garage door flown wide open. It was just such a random thing, that it was so disorienting, not only to have to deal with the upending crisis, catastrophic event of losing my wife in such a violent way, but also just not knowing how to sort through the pieces of, ‘How do I help Weston through this? How do I help our congregation through this?’” he said.

Tragically, Amanda and their unborn child did not make it, leading police to start a murder investigation that would gain the case national attention and would put Blackburn under intense scrutiny. Some people began to suspect Blackburn had something to do with the murders, causing family stress. “I step back and I look at it, I go, ‘OK, well, It makes sense because most people, that’s the first place that they’re going to revert to. They’re going to think that because they hear so many stories like that. On some level I understand it, but it doesn’t change how much it affected our family and how difficult it was,” he said.

Eventually, three teenagers were arrested and charged with the murders: Larry Jo Taylor, Jr., Diano Gordon, and Jalen Watson. The trio had attempted to rob the Blackburns’ home, killing Amanda in the process. Blackburn struggled to forgive, knowing what was right and feeling differently. “I knew what … I wanted my heart to feel, but it wasn’t feeling that because forgiveness is not a feeling. It’s a decision, and, as you begin to walk in that decision daily, then … the Lord does things to begin to heal your heart, grow your heart, stretch your heart,” he told CBN News. One of the killers, Diano Gordon, found it hard to believe that Blackburn had chosen to forgive him. “He couldn’t believe me telling him, ‘Hey, I’ve chosen to forgive you. And really the reason I’ve chosen to forgive you is because Jesus has forgiven me,’” said Blackburn.

Through it all, God remained faithful. “There are so many things where God has shown up for me, even in ways that are unseen. He’s healed me, He’s restored me, He’s put me back together, made me whole again, so that I can help other people. And that’s really what your healing and wholeness is for. It’s not for you. … It’s so that you can begin to comfort others with the same comfort that you’ve been comforted [with],” he said. He wrote about his experiences with grief and forgiveness in his book, Nothing Is Wasted: A True Story of Hope, Forgiveness, and Finding Purpose in Pain, In 2017, Blackburn remarried. Kristi and her daughter were attending Blackburn’s church when he spotted her one day while working out at the gym. He eventually approached her and found that her stepdad was a chaplain at the prison, sharing the Gospel with the three men who had murdered his wife. The couple now have three children they are raising: Weston, Kristi’s daughter Natalia, and their son, Cohen. They run a ministry together called Nothing is Wasted. “It signifies just that, that God doesn’t waste our pain,” he said.