Wait. Is it too late? I don’t want to be a Crone. Not yet. Not saying NEVER. Just “not yet.”

These words in my head as I rode the Uptown train to Penn Station this morning. These words in my head because I’m a poet. I get words in my head. Errands, shopping, lunch, reading a Tarot book in my Kindle and thinking about what to blog here today. I talked about the Fool here. And I talked about the Magician here and here.

I’m supposed to blog about the High Priestess next. She comes next in the order, following the Magician, but yesterday I got a Tarot reading (yes I get them, in addition to giving them) and the Empress came up as ME — the card representing me in the spread and, by coincidence, she’s been sitting on my desk all week, this Empress card from my oversize Rider-Waite deck.

(It wasn’t until I bought this oversize deck that I even noticed that stream, curving through the trees, on her right.)

Empress keywords often include “fertility, creativity, fecundity.” She’s the mother. Sometimes this card can predict pregnancy. I’m 43. Turning 44 this summer. It wasn’t until I was 38 that I even considered having a child. It wasn’t until my early 30s that I even LIKED children. I’m a mother to animals and clients and ideas. That’s what my 30s were — especially my middle to late 30s — creating my life, my money. And not done yet. Giving birth to myself, to poems and plays produced. Is this not also the Empress? YES it is. But there I was on the train in a surge of grief for what I may not experience in this lifetime. This is also the Empress. Consciousness. Knowing what you feel.

(For the astrology fans reading this – I know there are a few of you – my progressed Ascendent and Venus are in Libra. Venus ON my Ascendent. And Venus has difficult aspects in my natal chart. Those of you familiar with my other blog may remember my many tales of life as a 12th House Venus.)

So now what? The Empress is showing up in my tarot AND my astrology. From duckling to swan I go? Although I was always creative. Beauty was not emphasized in my family.  Not *those* Venus values but the other ones — creativity. Will motherhood always be a metaphor for me? The questions give birth to more questions.

What I want you to keep in mind most of all about the Empress, today:

she’s looking at you. Venus the Mirror. But she’s not only looking AT you, she’s showing you to you. And who you are at this time may surprise you. But you won’t know if you don’t look.

Aliza’s Rule Number 11 for Tarot Reading:
Look.

Dear Readers, what cards are you seeing?