"This land is your land, this land is my land..." -Jesus singing
"Hmm. What should I do today? I think I'll spin this one more time and wherever my finger lands, I'll send pestilence. I love pestilence! Such fun." -Jesus
"Hey you, sitting in MY tree. How would you like it if I sat on you like that? You probably still use the old fashioned light bulbs, too, huh?" -Jesus
Pubic Hair Jesus
"Did you or did you not just waste an entire barrel of crude oil? You did, didn't you? And that is why I'm going to smite thee with my fist." -Jesus
"I HAVE RETURNED!!! And I'm here to destroy this earth... oh, never mind. You've already beat me to it." -Jesus
"Great. I'm glad you're all here. But where are the trees? And where are the creatures of the sea and the beasts of the land? And what did you do to my dodo bird? You killed it. You killed an innocent dodo bird. All of you should be ashamed of yourselves!" -Jesus
"Stop it! I said no! I know I healed that woman, but SHE touched the hem of my garment. That's not what you touched!" -Jesus
"Hey, don't blame me. This was all perfect when I created it! And yes, technically I did create Satan, and he led you guys to become selfish and wasteful, but you had a choice! It's not my fault you've run out of clean water." -Jesus
"Turn your face off, Mom. You're wasting electricity." -Jesus
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