"You're probably wondering about the gotee, huh? It was Rick Warren Day in Heaven." -Jesus
"Gosh, my nipples look really tired." -Jesus
"Sometimes I pretend there's a staircase to earth. And I like sliding down its banister. I'm Jesus, okay? I can do that if I want to. You pretend there's a staircase to Heaven! You're just mad because you can't slide up." -Jesus
"Hey, don't laugh! The artist painted that with her feet! Not so bad now, huh? It's all about perspective." -Jesus God Pride"You two want your virginities back? I'm running a two for one special. Today only." -Jesus"Fundie short?" -Barber
"I am so big! So strong and so mighty. There's nothing that I would not do." -Jesus singing"Are you kidding? It's going to take a lot more than one dance before I surrender my virginity to you." -Girl"I love you, Timmy, but confession isn't supposed to make ME feel awkward. It's supposed to make YOU feel awkward. And obviously, you don't feel awkward." -Jesus "That's not my hand. It's the Holy Spirit's hand. He wants to touch your chin." -Jesus
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