Think about it; why would you live like THIS…

When you could live like THIS…

Amazing, huh? It’s possible. All you have to do is become a Christian! Look! The girl in the picture above is even copyright protected. And that’s just the beginning of the benefits one receives from being a Christian.

Of course, the benefits of being Christian are too numerous to list in one blog post, but here are a few things you might be missing!

1) Ghosts from the Bible days will lay hands on you and pray that you find your tie.

2) Free foot washings for hard-working business men! And don’t worry; Jesus will come to you.

3) Even though you helped murder our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, being a Christian guarantees you’ll never be charged for that crime. In fact, it will remain in the “pending charges” file until you die! Though I should tell you that you will be reminded on a regular basis that the charge is pending and that you actually ARE guilty.

4) Free babysitting!

5) When you’re a Christian, Jesus will come to your parties and make them less fun. Nobody brings a party to its knees like Jesus.

6) Your pencils will be made to look brand new with these great little pencil toppers…

7) Become a Christian today, and we’ll throw in a free high-five from a modestly-dress Janet Jackson! (And you’ll slap Janet’s hand in the HOLY LANDS!)

8) And then, of course, there’s HEAVEN!

To be continued…