"Ugh. It was my week to work in the church nursery. And every time I do that, I think, 'Why in the world did I create poop?'" -Jesus
"Sorry, were you waiting long? I had to clean up. I looked really dead this morning." -Jesus"Woah, wait a minute; the Muslims are right? Darn it! Where's Mohammad? I owe him five bucks." -Jesus"Does this make me look New Age? I think it does. Too much color always makes me look New Age--like I LOVE everybody. Sheesh. Where's the fun in that?" -Jesus
"I hereby sentence you to Iran! Or Alaska. Take your pick." -Jesus
"Wait a minute, you do not look heavy laden. You look LAZY. No rest for you!" -Jesus
"This was taken just as I was about to take the wheel of that woman's car and steer it right over an icy embankment. I would have saved her! I was just bored. Besides, it's not she was on her way to Cincinnati." -Jesus"What did you say? Does your mother know you use the word, 'sucks'? And better yet, would she approve? I don't think so. Maybe we should walk over and ask her. You want us to do that? You realize your brothers are judging you, right? I can read it on their hearts. And I'm gonna let it slide for now." -Jesus"I wanted to look my best that day because I was making an appearance at LifeChurchTV. Craig and I were in fraternity together." -Jesus
"I love Panera!" -Jesus"No, not today, Peter. Why? Because you're wearing jeans! You don't walk on water while wearing jeans. Sheesh. Those things will be wet until next Tuesday. No, get back in the boat." -Jesus"Your mother is right. You should ALWAYS leave room for me to sit in between you two. Nobody gets pregnant with me in the middle!" -Jesus
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