"Jesus, I've always wanted to do this. Since I was a little girl, my favorite verse in the Bible has been that one about the 'Footprints'--you know which one I'm talking about? Well... I've always dreamed that one day you would carry me across a sandy beach. And look, here we are. You. Me. The white sand. Pretty awesome, huh? Is it everything you expected?" -Woman on Jesus's back
Meanwhile, at the Hall of Justice...
"Can you see my hand? How many fingers am I holding up? Yeah, you're definitely a blind man." -Jesus
"That's me on the set of Katy Perry's 'California Gurl' video. I admit, I probably shouldn't have been there, but Snoop insisted. And you'd be surprised at how modest cotton candy can be. It stuck to Katy's unmentionables far better than I thought it would and a lot more than Snoop would have liked." -Jesus
"Wow, so 'Bippity Boppity Boo...' really works, huh?" -Jesus
"The day this picture was taken was a really amazing day. That was the day I got to meet my sponsorship children. I decided to take sweet little Jenny with me so she could them too. She's the white kid in my lap." -Jesus
"Our daddy says you love us more than you love the lilies, Jesus. Is that true? And if so, do these lilies have high blood pressure? Cuz our Mommy has high blood pressure. Do you love her?" -Little girl
"What a day this has been. It feels so good to relax and soak my toes in the Atlantic." -Jesus "And I'm rather enjoying stepping on Norway." -God
"The artist who painted this picture was a huge fan of Jennifer Love Hewitt. I mean, I like the girl, but only because I'm Jesus. I'm not a huge fan of her acting. And... it's not like I've ever dreamed about looking like her." -Jesus
"This bread looks uncircumcised." -Jesus
"Daddy says that no matter how nice you are to us, we're not allowed to believe in you because we're Jewish." -Little boy peeping over Jesus's shoulder
"Come to me all ye who are heavy laden, old, or obese and I will give you rest while the happy, young, and healthy members of your party continue shopping for great wooden conversation pieces." -Jesus
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