Happy birthday to thee!

Happy birthday to thee!

Happy BIRTHday King Jame’s Version of the Bible… happy birthday to thee.

Just in case you are a heathen who reads the NIV Bible or a demon who reads The Message Bible or an atheist who doesn’t read ANY Bible, you’re probably not aware that the Bible’s ORIGINAL TEXT–which of course is the AV 1611 King James Version of the Bible (with a Scofield reference)–is celebrating a big birthday this year! Yep, the ole KJV is 400 years old this year.

And honestly that’s a big deal. Though its use at seminaries and churches is dying out, the King James Version of the Bible is no doubt the most influential book of modern history. And because of that influence many Christians still adhere to reading only the words of the KJV. And any reading of the Bible that is not the AV 1611 King James Version is as Satanic as ouija boards, half moons, and She-Ra.

So… God’s Holy Word is 400 years old (the ACTUAL DAY is May 2, 2011)! Yes, you’d think it was at least 6000 years old. Or 2000 years old. Or at the very least 1800ish years old. But nope! It’s 400 years old! And you should celebrate!

But how? Don’t worry. I’ve got a few ideas. Here’s a few ways you can celebrate (with your kiddies!) the 400th Birthday of God’s Holy (and LEGIT!) Words!

1) Take a trip over to my favorite Crazy Christian Fundamentalist site AV1611.org (No, it’s not satire!) and you’ll quickly become informed of all the ways that America’s evangelicals have become cursed by the acceptance of other Bible versions. Dial-the Truth Ministries pretty much hates everything that isn’t the King James Version of the Bible. And its website is chock full of good wholesome reading…

Read here about the attack that Christians are waging against the KJV.

But my favorite is their dedication to outing 1980s and 1990s “CCM” music as the Satanic filth that it is! Read here why Carman disgusts them. And why DC TALK is nothing more than a “Freak Show.”

Anyway, Dial the Truth Ministries LOVES everything about the King James Version of the Bible!! EVERYTHING. Even the King James part. (They don’t mention his supposed bisexuality… ) But they do talk about the advice he gave his son in regards to chastity….

King James loved literature and wrote extensively including the Basilicon Doron which contains instructions to his son on how to live and be a just king. King James’ advice to his son concerning chastity:

Keep your body clean and unpolluted while you give it to your wife whom to only it belongs for how can you justly crave to be joined with a Virgin if your body be polluted? Why should the one half be clean, and the other defiled? And suppose I know, fornication is thought but a veniall sin by the most part of the world, yet remember well what I said to you in my first book regarding conscience, and count every sin a breach of God’s law, not according as the vain world esteems of it, but as God judge and maker of the law accounts of the same: hear God commanding by the mouth of Paul to abstain from fornication, declaring that the fornicator shall not inherit the kingdom of heaven, and by the mouth of John reckoning out fornication among other grievous sins that declares the commiters among dogs and swine.

2) Memorize the facts and figures about the King James Version of the Bible–facts like what the AV stands for (Authorized Version!) and how many times “hell” is mentioned (Not as many as you might think!)…

Other facts might include…

Number of books in the Bible: 66
Chapters: 1,189
Verses: 31,102
Words: 783,137
Letters: 3,116,480
Number of promises given in the Bible: 1,260
Commands: 6,468
Predictions: over 8,000
Fulfilled prophecy: 3,268 verses
Unfulfilled prophecy: 3,140
Number of questions: 3,294
Longest name: Mahershalalhashbaz (Isaiah 8:1)
Longest verse: Esther 8:9 (78 words) SOURCE

3) Add your own chapter to the YouTube Bible! Yes, the YouTube Bible. The YOUTUBE Bible is the King James Version of the Bible read aloud by chapter by various people.

And it’s BIG TIME, too! Prince Charles just added his selection of scripture…

Everything you need to know about adding your own KJV reading to the celebration can be found here.

In all seriousness, while I poke fun, how the KJV Bible changed a lot of people’s histories shouldn’t be denied. It changed how people engaged God. How kings and queens interacted with church and priests. It offered the common person an opportunity to have an opinion or idea about God. Not all of its influence was positive. But still, it certainly affected European history. And in many ways was a defining document in America’s history. So while I don’t believe it’s God’s inerrant and infallible word (and it certainly contains some translation errors), I still love the KJV Bible. I love how some of it reads–especially Psalms.

It’s difficult to deny the KJV’s power and influence. It’s a book that has changed people’s lives. And while it’s been used many times for evil and to spread fear, I also believe it’s brought countless people much hope and inspiration and comfort. And chances are… it’s probably affected your life is some way–for good or for bad (or both)…

The “Authorized Version” of the Bible has stood the test of time. And at the very least… deserves a little bit of our respect.

So sing Happy Birthday to it. And hide it in your heart! (Now get down on the floor and give me twenty. Do it!)

Do you have a good, bad, or funny story about the KJV?