As most of the readers of this blog – and yes, depite the lull in my blogging this is still my blog – know I’ve been dealing with this tumor-type object in my brain for the past five years.
For the past 18 months we’ve been smacking it around with some chemo. And for 18 months it has been retreating. (There are no “buts” to follow — all is well). In fact, it has been retreating so much that for the last five or six weeks I haven’t even had the mildest seizure (and I only have very mild seizures in my left leg to begin with).
I don’t know what to do with this reality.
On the one hand it is thrilling. I haven’t gone this long between seizures for four years.
On the other hand I don’t want to get too excited about anything because I understand what the doctors say – I have a chronic illness and they have no way to cure me.
But somewhere in the midst of all of this is that famous five-letter word – faith.
I’m not sure how to handle faith at this moment. Do I have faith the seizures won’t return – something that would be, very simply, miraculous? Do I have faith that the tumor is shrinking? Do I simply rejoice in every day of life no matter what happens?
What do you guys think?