I was raised a good ole’ Southern girl in a good ole’ Southern family.  We believed that shopping and makeup could cover any wound.  No matter what was happening behind closed doors, and in our life there was plenty, you never, ever showed it when those doors were open.  You still fixed your hair, glued on your smile, and kept on going.  So long as you had a clean house, a pristine life, everyone would believe the lie, even when it was a whopper.

I can’t say I ever entirely bought into this myth.  As a child, I was loud and out there.  I was told on more than one occasion that I was “obnoxious”.  I was ok with it.  I was unique.  I was special.  Most importantly, I was me and no one else.

But after I had children, I started to feel that pressure.  I struggled to take care of two very young children while maintaining a façade of perfection.  I knew there was no such thing as a perfect mom, I just couldn’t see past all of my own glaring “imperfections”.

I woke up one day and realized I was miserable.  I had finally beat Post-Partum Depression, my colicky baby was sleeping through the night, I should have been feeling great about my beautiful family.  But instead I was feeling alone and inadequate.  I was overweight, frazzled, and felt like there was never enough of me for all of the things on my plate.  I started throwing things overboard, trying desperately to stay afloat, but nothing helped.

It wasn’t overnight, but I finally looked through the fog and saw that the biggest thing missing from my life was me.  Where was all the spunk?  All the fun?  Where was the active and involved mom I had dreamed my whole life of being?  I was trying to live someone else’s life and it was not working.

Change is hard.  It takes time, patience, and lots of dedication.  This change took all those things as I changed my habits from putting myself last so that I could put my life first.  Slowly but surely, I felt the best parts of myself coming back.  I can’t say that I never slipped back into those old thoughts, but I have never let them rule my life the way they did just a short while ago.

When I finally reached out to other moms, I found that I wasn’t alone.  Many of us are feeling this need to fake perfection in our lives.  Many of us are ashamed to stand up and say that being a mom is hard work.  I started MamaFusion: Merging Mom&Me because I wanted to inspire other women who are feeling the way I was, like you can’t keep up with life.  I wanted to snap all the mamas out of it who were struggling to keep it all together.  When I let everything drop, I saw the beautiful mess I had created.  Life, especially as a mom, gets funky, it gets off track, things go any way but the way you want them.  Dishes pile up, laundry doesn’t get done, your 2 year old refuses to wear anything but her favorite dingy dress (even when it is 30 degrees out), tantrums happen, things break down. These are all the incredible pieces that fit in to life as a mom.  And they are beautiful.  You are beautiful in them.  God made you, He has a purpose for you, and He thinks you are perfect just the way He made you.  When we trust His divine design, we find the woman, the mother, that we are perfectly designed to be, and that, my friends, makes all the difference.  When we live authentically, we parent authentically.  When we forget about what everyone wants for our life, we are free to live the life we were designed for.  It ain’t always easy, but it is certainly worth it.