Today I emailed a writer I’m friendly with, who I’ll call Lynn, to tell her about a story she might pitch to a magazine about my new rap video. Her immediate response was telling me all the reasons that no magazine would accept the idea. I didn’t argue with her since I’m tired of it. But it reminded me of why she always struggles to get work.

Lynn is a very nice person. Sweet as can be. The kind of person people would say that deserves lots of good things to come to her.

But, whenever I see Lynn and ask how she’s doing, she snarls and complains that it’s hard to make a living. Editors are difficult to deal with and close-minded about in her eyes. Life is a struggle to Lynn. Her moaning makes me uncomfortable about answering when she asks how I am. She’s envious when I say my editors are a pleasure to deal with and very open-minded.

She thinks I’m lucky. I think that we both get what we expect.

Lynn carries herself like she has the weight of the world on her. Her smile is melancholy. She rarely seems happy and dwells on how rotten editors are to work with. I however, am usually in love with life and radiate joy. And while I like some more than others, I’m fine with all my editors. Yes, there are snags along the way as people will be people. But for the most part, I consider my work relationships as blessed as my personal ones.

I’ve tried to talk to Lynn about changing her attitude but just get arguments about how I don’t understand. But I do, all too well, though not in the way she thinks.

Yes, we get back what we give out from the Law of Attraction and Lynn sure manifests her expectations! But besides that, people can feel your attitude. When you expect someone to tear your idea apart, they can feel it. I try to be friendly to everyone, even when they don’t seem the kind of warm and fuzzy people I like. It gets me so much more than going to someone on edge, waiting for the ax to drop, the way Lynn does.

She also puts up her own roadblocks by deciding that someone won’t say yes, hence not even asking.

When you find yourself getting consistently turned down for what you’re going after, monitor your thoughts right before and right after. What’s your mood going in? Is there something in your voice or tone or the words you use that could be making the person consider turning you down? There are many things that can be like red flags to people you ask for something. Some common ones are:

* Are you apologetic when you ask? An apologetic tone is a red flag to someone you’re asking something from. It tells the person you’re not sure you should be asking. That makes them consider more if they should be hesitant to work with you. Roadblock alert! When I was a DoorMat I apologized for everything. It’s a wonder I didn’t say I was sorry for being born! ? Then I’d complain like Lynn that people are difficult to get cooperation from. Now I know that I was the difficult one. Save apologies for when you’re truly wrong and keep them out of your verbal interactions.

* Do you preface requests with a version of, “you probably won’t like this but…” I hear that said often. When it’s said to me, I expect to not like what the person is going to ask for. Self-sabotage alert! When you live in DoorMatville, you often feel unworthy and folks view you as such because of how you communicate. Before you ask, convince yourself of why the person will like it. If you can’t, don’t waste your time asking! YOU must believe it’s good before you can convince others.

* Does your voice radiate a total lack of confidence? If you sound very unsure of yourself, people will be unsure of you. Confidence buster alert! I stammered through requests. That sure won’t make a good impression! Even if you’re nervous, fake confidence by speaking slowly and definitively. Save your ums’ and repeated “reallys” for friends. Make a conscious effort to state your case clearly in a calm, decisive voice, in as few words as possible.

* If you’re in person do you slump or avoid eye contact? This screams insecurity. Body language alert! No matter how insecure you truly are, you can fake pulling your shoulders back, holding your head high and looking the person in the eye (without staring him or her down!). That just takes consciousness, not real confidence, but it can lead to building your confidence as you get better results.

* Does your attitude reflect that you expect to be turned down or to have a confrontation like Lynn’s does? Every mention she makes of getting new assignments has an edge of defeat in it. Do you do that? I used to feel defeated from the starting gate and it showed in my expectation as I waited to be turned down. Self-kicking in the butt alert! Now I approach people with the true excitement I feel. It can be contagious!

* Are you friendly or somber? Being friendly always gives you a leg up. Sounding somber brings people down. Smile alert! Force a smile. It puts you into a better mood and will do that to the people you interact with. It’s hard to be somber when you’re passionate about what you ask for! Enthusiasm gets people on board. Somber makes people want to move on. Save somber for funerals and curl those lips NOW!

It doesn’t matter how unlikely what you want may seem or how many people tell you it won’t happen. Had I listened to those voices, I’d still be unhappily living in DoorMatville. I wouldn’t have become the first white female rapper or had 10 books published with 2 more under contact. I bucked systems and nay-sayers when I wanted to do something and proved many folks wrong.

When my last book came out, a big newspaper wrote something negative about it. I’d just convinced Lynn to pitch a story to that paper on a different angle about my book. She emailed to say she wasn’t going to bother since the review wasn’t good. I argued that the secondary story was till good. She balked. I danced with her until she finally agreed to pitch it to get me off her dance card.

No one was more shocked than Lynn when the story ran. My energy overrode hers!

I got Lynn’s email saying there’s no point in pitching a story about how I, the first white female rapper, was making a music video of my first rap, Girls Can Do after being motivated by writing my 2 new books. She said no one would care since I’m older now. Hello! I think it’s a great story and it will get written, but not by Lynn. I’m tired of dancing with the bah humbug girl and will just nicely send her a link to the first article about me. ?

Watch for self-imposed roadblocks. It can be hard enough to follow your dreams without YOU standing in your own way. Having done that for MANY years, I can attest that dissolving the blocks and being open t
o all of life’s goodies creates a much better and joyously happier life than being a bah humbug person. Pay attention to your attitude. If it’s not going in a direction to enhance your life, make the effort to alter it. Then you can see why this recovering DoorMat wakes up smiling every day. ?

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