I hear people complain about their friends. Why does she take me for granted? How can he flirt with my girlfriend? Why don’t I get support? Many have friends who are always downers, whining about the same problem with their romantic partner, boss, roommate or a friend who keeps taking advantage or getting into the same kind of situations that hurt them.

I’ve had them too and used to be the queen of complainers. Talking with a friend was often an opportunity to rant about someone or a situation that annoyed me. Over and over. I don’t know how my friends stood me back then. I had no healthy outlets for anger or tools for dealing with what I didn’t like. I wouldn’t have wanted to spend time with me! ? One day I thought about it. My friends to at least some degree reflected me! I had many of the qualities I didn’t like in others.

When you attract people into your life, you should look at YOU to see what’s attracting them.

Who’s your best friend? Is it your roommate from college or your childhood trouble buddy? When I’m asked that now, I say ME! Few people think of themselves as their own best friend, but you should. When you become your own best friend, you take the power to make yourself happy and attract more like-minded people. What qualities do you like in a friend? Slowly try to develop them in yourself. Think about what kind of friend you are.

Be objective, how would friends describe you as a friend?

Write it down and see if this is the kind of person that you’d want as a friend. If you don’t like what you see, redefine yourself. I hated the “old me.” That version thought she had little to offer and was mainly concerned with pleasing others in an unhealthy way. Now I’ve upped my value and see a beautiful, caring, spiritual woman with a loving heart; a smart, creative, intuitive, forever young free spirit living with passion. That’s me! Period. Gone is too fat and not worthy. Accepting my new definition made it true.

Now write down what you’d like in a friend. Do you have all those qualities?

If not, begin to work on YOU! Focus on specific things you like in others and begin to adopt their habits or they way they handle themselves or the kind of personality you enjoy or whatever else you see as positive qualities. That’s what I did. As I saw what I didn’t like in others, and then saw it in myself, I worked to get rid of those qualities. As I adopted healthier ones that I liked in others, I noticed I met more people who reflected those qualities.

Make an effort to live as the type of person you like to be friends with.

This works for attracting a romantic partner too. The more you develop qualities in yourself that you’d like in one, the better the chance of attracting the right person. When I was insecure and desperate for a boyfriend, I attracted insecure guys and also friends who were desperate. I couldn’t change them but I could change me! As I worked to grow into the qualities I wanted in myself, I didn’t pay much attention to the results, until a funny thing happened.

Without thinking, I said to someone how interesting it was that most of my new friends were similar to me in the ways I find most important.

My friends are mainly people who have the same spiritual beliefs as me, who are independent, positive thinkers and who didn’t need a man to complete them. I’d become someone with the qualities I wished for in my friends! That’s why I attracted those types into my world.

Think about what you like in a friend. Write it all down. Then be more conscious of developing them in yourself.

When you can say with conviction that you’d like yourself a as friend if you were someone else, you’re on the right track to getting healthier friends. A bonus of that is you’ll like yourself more so your self-esteem and confidence will ramp up greatly too!

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