In a comment on my post on Turning Over Your Welcome Mat, Ginger complained that her son and daughter-in-law take advantage of her by putting her on the spot to babysit for her 3 undisciplined grandchildren who are under 5 years old. She finds it hard to turn down her son, who does the asking to get her to agree. She feels sorry for the kids, whose mother is often not home. They know when she’s not busy and put in requests.

Just because you’re free doesn’t mean that you owe your time to others!

YOUR time is YOURS! You have a right to use it as YOU choose. You’re entitled to free time and should NOT have to explain it to others. DoorMats give their time away. Nice People on Top strive to own their free will and make their own decisions. Guilt over not agreeing won’t help you! It’s important to set boundaries. Strong, clear ones! Here’s what I recommend for Ginger.

Use this advice for your own situations with anyone clamoring for your time regularly.

Ask your son for a time to speak. Don’t do this when he’s asking you to babysit. Pick a quiet time, sit down with him when you’re not rushed if possible, and tell him you need to set some boundaries for when you can babysit. In a soft tone, begin by saying something nice, such as that you love him and will try to help him when you can. Don’t criticize him or his wife but explain that all this babysitting is taking its toll on you and you can’t do it anymore.

He may not recognize that you have commitments but you always have one–to yourself! Relaxing, is one of them! Having me-time is your right!

You owe no one but yourself your free time. You don’t have to let others take it from you if they think you have nothing better to do than what they want. Babysitting once in while is fine but that’s all you can do. Just because you have no big commitments, doesn’t mean you don’t have things to do. You’re sorry (and nicely say this with a straight face!) that his wife can’t spend more time with the kids, since they need her. But you can’t give up your life because she has a busy one.

It’s important to own your time and how you spend it in order to feel happy, as YOU (and I mean all you readers too!) deserve to be!

Think about what works for you for babysitting since you probably want to see the kids sometimes. Then tell your son when you can sit or that you’ll let him know when you’re available. No more dumping them off on you without asking if it’s okay in advance and no assuming you’ll say yes. It’s sad that the kids sound neglected but mom and dad chose to have them, not you, and THEY are responsible for their care.

When I was a DoorMat, I gave my time away to anyone who wanted it. I was also unhappy. Now I control where my time goes and happiness flourishes in my world. There comes a time when we have to ask ourselves if giving ourselves away to others is worth having the negative emotions that usually ensue? I finally chose my own happiness as the most important factor and set boundaries on who and how much people got from me.

People you turn down may call you names or throw guilt on you. It’s a ploy to manipulate. I know that now and hold fast to my decisions. Free time is a blessing you can give to yourself, unless you let others take it all. Think before you agree in the future. Then do what feels right for YOU!

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