The electronic age is taking over the lives of many people. It seems the younger someone is, the more they have some device almost affixed to them. Texting is immediate. Calls on cell phones constant. People feel more connected than ever on some levels but the real personal connections are being replaced by short chatter via a device. Several people have emailed me asking how to handle someone texting or being on the phone a lot during a meal, in particular, in a restaurant.

I think it’s rude, especially if you’ve told them you don’t like it and they continue to do it.

Many would differ but we’re becoming a world of personal disconnect. I remember when I was growing up, my mom had a strict rule that we weren’t allowed to read at the table. I was an avid reader and greatly wanted to bring my book to dinner but it was forbidden. Mom felt that dinner was a time for the family to interact and have conversations. She was right. The electronic age takes it to a whole other level.

Just as my mom felt it was rude for me to read at the dinner table, I think it’s rude when people text or talk on the phone when they’re having a meal with someone–unless the someone is doing it too.

When I have dinner with someone, it’s because I want to interact, not to watch each other communicate with other people. Maybe it’s because I grew up without all the electronic toys. The loss of good personal contact is a shame, and it’s often hard to get it back. I HATE when someone I’m having a meal with gets a lot of calls or texts and thinks it’s fine to respond with me sitting there. I do think it’s rude. If it’s an occasional call and they excuse themselves for having to take it, it’s more acceptable.

But consistently using an electronic device is rude in my book if only one person is doing it.

I can understand that it’s part of the culture for many young people so it’s normal to do it with friends. But, limits should be placed if it’s a get-together with someone who doesn’t do it. If it bothers you, speak up! I do. I’ve told the person that maybe we should do dinner another time if they’re too busy to talk. Or asked for some uninterrupted time. If the person doesn’t cooperate, I don’t get snarly. I remember, and don’t easily make plans again.

If you have kids, it’s up to you to set boundaries at home and teach them what’s appropriate and what’s not.

If you get calls when you’re interacting with someone, either let them go to voicemail or ask for a minute to tell the person you’ll call back later. I don’t mind when someone does that. But if you’re out for social, be social–with the one who’s there in person! You may not be able to stop a friend from using their phone, but you can choose to not make future plans. Some people have emailed to ask me if they’re right in letting it bug them. Yes, it’s definitely annoying. But don’t get angry or give a lecture.

Just nicely explain you’d like their undivided attention and would like to give them yours too.
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Some people can’t breathe, or think they can’t, without their phone. I find it kind of sad for them. Having to stay connected every second or not miss a few tweets or something else that’s not life altering is an addiction, like food or alcohol. Have compassion for those types and limit time with them if it bothers you. You probably won’t change them if you ask and they don’t do it. Don’t waste time complaining. Just make plans with people whose company you enjoy.

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