It’s easy to say what you want: to make lots more money? Sure! To lose 20 pounds? Absolutely! To write a book or get a job doing something fun or build an addition to your home, etc.? Oh yeah!! We say we want things, but, wanting them is often not enough to do what you need to do, since there’s no wish fairy in real life to wave the wand to make it happen. Even spiritual work won’t help if you’re not willing to do what’s necessary to achieve it.

Most desires have a sort of ying/yang component. Ying is desire. Yang is what needs to be done to achieve it.

Desire is easy to dream up, just like New Years Resolutions are easy to make. The yang is the hard part, implementing the steps to make desires real or resolutions come to fruition. I’ve said many times that if people who say they want to slim down did it, talking about losing weight wouldn’t be a national pastime. But people prefer to eat junk and dodge exercise. If the fairy helped, we’d all be slim. But give up favorite foods– not easily! It’s the same with every desire:

 If you want something you must be prepared to do what’s necessary to go after it.

Your desire–ying–must be equal to desire to do the work–yang. Hence the title of this article. Ask yourself, “What do I really want the most?”

•    To lose weight OR eat and skip exercise?
•    To make more money OR to stay in the easy job where I don’t have to work hard?
•    To get a job doing what I love OR to avoid having to write a resume and make the calls and take the risks and other stuff that seems tedious.
•    To finish writing a the book or build a cabinet or get better at graphic design, or any other project you’ve dreamed of doing, OR to use the time you’d have to set aside to do other things.

Getting what you say you want requires you to sit down and think about what it is that you really want. What is most important, the ying or the yang? Having the desire or making it real? The idea of something or baby stepping toward its fruition? When I was a DoorMat I had many dreams that didn’t come true. I wanted all the goodies everyone else wanted, but insecurity, low self-image and no self-love kept me stuck in dreams. I told friends how badly I wanted to lose weight as I munched on junk food. Hello! I wanted the junk food more.

Sometimes you don’t realize what you really want until you ask yourself and get specific. Thinking about it can change your priorities.

My turning point for losing weight was one night when I stopped at a diner to get my regular piece of decadent cheesecake. For the first time, I put it into perspective and asked myself which I wanted more, to lose weight or eat that piece of cheesecake? I debated in my head. The cheesecake would give me about a half hour of pleasure if I ate it slowly. Losing weight would make me happy for as long as it stayed off. Hmmm… For the first time I went home without a treat.

Choices. We all have them. When faced with a desire you keep sabotaging, ask, “What do I really want the most?” To do more, list the benefits of meeting your desire in one column and what you get from behavior that keeps you from it. Ying: How would life change if I made more money? Yang: What do I like about the easy, but low paying job I have now? Ying: What would I specifically enjoy about reaching my desire? Yang: What benefits do I get from the time I’m not working toward that desire?

Sometimes just asking those questions can wake you up to realize that it’s time to go for yours!

An interesting dynamic takes place when you actually give yourself the choice instead of automatically responding the way you always have or from a place of fear. Asking what you really want the most can get you thinking. It’s YOUR choice to take a direction. Lose weight or eat and be sedentary. Stay in your current job or go after a better one. If you want to be happy, love yourself enough to make a choice that will enhance your life, not keep it stagnant and you in a place of wishing you had what you don’t want badly enough to go after.

Don’t wait for the wish fairy, unless you like living in a fairy tale that’s not real, like I did in my DoorMat days. I kept waiting for someone to take me by the hand of lead me into the sunshine of my dreams. It never happened. I had to do it myself! You can too. Love yourself enough to ask which is most important to you–the ying or yang of a desire. It can spur you to take action! And, if you ever see me talking to a cookie, you’ll know why. 🙂

Take the 31 Days of Self-Love challenge and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at http://howdoiloveme.com. And you can post your loving acts HERE to reinforce your intention to love yourself. Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE.

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