We all have fear sometimes, some of us more than others. Since life can be unpredictable, things come up that you don’t expect and can create anxiety. Even with all my faith I still occasionally get scared, especially by situations that come from left field that I’m not prepared for. You can’t get rid of fear. Burying what scares you can come back to bite you later when it surfaces during a weak moment.

I went through all of this when I was a DoorMat. Back then I was driven by fear. I didn’t know what would happen if the things that scared me happened. It was irrational and self-defeating. Deep down I knew that but didn’t know what to do. Fear freezes us in whatever place we’re at. When I knew I wanted to leave DoorMatville, I knew I had to start taking control of fear and stop letting it control me.

The fear ball is in your court. Do you control it or let it take control of your actions and decisions.

I’ve always found writing a great tool for handling emotions that get out of control so I got some paper and began writing down what scared me, what scared me about it, and other details. I kept elaborating on the last sentence until my fear and what really scared me became clearer. I got over my fear of saying no by doing this. My list went something like this:

•    “I’m afraid to say no to Susan because she might get angry at me.”
•    “If she gets angry she may not talk to me.”
•    “If she stops talking to me I may lose her permanently as a friend.”
•    “She may say negative things about me to other people.”
•    “They may believe her.”
•    “Then they may leave me too.”
•    “I may end up alone if I say no to Susan!”

Write without thinking. Just let it flow. When you read it back, you may realize that most of what scares you is unlikely to happen, or plain old absurd. When I read the above list back I accepted that if she stopped talking to me because I couldn’t do her a favor, she wasn’t a real friend and I didn’t need her. And I doubted other friends would blow me off for just saying no if I was busy, and have a right to be. As I rationally read the list it hit me how irrational my fear was and said no. Susan didn’t like it but we’re still friends and she got used to my boundaries and now accepts them.

Write down what scares you in minute details. Dissect the fear to see what you’re really afraid of.

If Susan stopped speaking to me I realized I’d be okay. That allowed me to take the risk. Continue your list till you find the worst case scenario. Then decide if it’s worth avoiding. Even if you wouldn’t like it, it might be worth taking a chance. When you see your fears on paper it can diffuse the strength of them and you might be able to take control. Writing them down can sort truth from wild imagination, which fear can stir up.

If everyone who was afraid of something stayed put, nobody would move forward. Put your fears on paper and figure out how you can navigate situations that scare you instead of hiding from them. Every time you control your response to fear, you empower yourself a bit more. Each fear block you overcome is another step toward a more fulfilling life. I know because I had to get over a magnitude of fear to get where I am today. And it was truly worth the effort to be so happy and satisfied with my life.

Fear created the bars of the invisible jail I put myself in to keep me from leaving DoorMatville. So if there’s something you’re afraid of that keeps you from taking a risk or doing something you really want to do or just moving forward with your life in general, put it all on paper.

•    What scares you?
•    Why?
•    What’s the worst that can happen if it comes true?
•    Can I handle it?
•    Is it worth not trying?
•    What can I do to make it more comfortable?

As you write, really think about each answer. Often when we see our fears in writing we realize it’s not nearly as bad as our imaginations made us think. While taking that step forward can be scary, it’s usually do-able, even if it involves a bit of discomfort. Distinguish between too risky and uncomfortable. You can do uncomfortable. The rewards are worth it! And, it says, “I love me!”

Take the self-love challenge and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at http://howdoiloveme.com. And you can post your loving acts HERE to reinforce your intention to love yourself. Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE.

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