There’s an outdoor place I often go to write that I love when the when the weather is nice. I’m friendly with the guys who work there. One day 2 summers ago, Sam began to close off my favorite spot an hour before they closed so he could get his chores done and leave earlier. I love writing in that spot. It has higher tables for my laptop. I told him nicely but firmly that it bothered me since it was never closed early before. Sam cut an attitude and from then on turned his head away when he saw me.

I’d try to say “hi” but he made a point of ignoring me for the rest of the summer and fall. I’d see a scowl on his face whenever he saw me when I used to get big smiles. We always chatted a lot and it felt uncomfortable to sit there when he was around. Four months passed before the weather got too cold to sit outdoors. Yet on the days Sam worked, it always felt cold.

Some people hold onto anger and let it become a grudge against someone who did something they didn’t like.

When the weather got warmer, I returned to my outdoor spot. Sam was there and  kind of looked at me tentatively, like he didn’t know what to do. I made it easy for him with a big smile and a warm greeting, asking how his winter was. I sensed relief and my friendliness was quickly returned!  It didn’t take long before we were back to our usual chats and automatic friendly greetings. And, he never closed off my favorite spot while I was there. Now that I’m back we continue our friendly interactions.

Grudges are a result of holding onto resentment or anger or other negative emotions.

Since negative emotions aren’t good for you, the grudges they create make those feelings even more harmful to  your spirit and your health. They can effect how you feel physically, and keep you in a bad mood. They also sever relationships if you carry it around like a dark spot on your soul that weighs you down with a bad mood, instead of resolving the issue. Sam needed the winter break to get over his so he could respond positively to my friendliness. I think he expected me to behave like he did and ignore him when I saw him in the spring. That’s a common reaction when someone behaves negatively toward you.

But 2 grudges don’t make anything better. I’d rather be in a good mood, and grudges prevent that from happening.

If you’re carrying a grudge against someone who did something that bothered you, evaluate it to determine if it’s necessary to hold onto the anger. The truth is, it’s never necessary, or a good idea to do that. It’s better to try to resolve whatever it is with the person who did the deed that created the grudge. It doesn’t mean you have to return to whatever relationship you had with them before. But often just letting them know how you feel can relieve the emotional burden carried by a grudge.

If you don’t want to speak to the person, or can’t, at least forgive them in your heart so you can let it go.

Why let what they did continue to hurt you? A grudge hurts YOU more than the other person.  It will continue to hurt you if you continue to carry it! And if you know someone has a grudge against you, don’t perpetuate it by having one too. It’s healthier—I mean HEALTHIER—to ease the situation in whatever ways you can. If you did something that didn’t seem so bad but someone got very angry, apologize, if only for making them feel bad. If they ignore you, just let it be instead of trying to get back or them or letting their reaction make you angry.

You only have one life. Don’t taint it with negative emotions. Break down your grudges and let the negative emotions out so they leave you alone. It makes more room for happier feelings.
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