I’m delighted to have Peter D Demarest as my guest today. Peter is the co-author of Answering The Central Question and a co-founder and President of Axiogenics, a company that develops and delivers cutting-edge, science-based services that identify and unleash the best in people, maximize success, and improve quality of life in all measures.

Through research and development, he discovered the profound connection between axiology (value science) and neuroscience (brain science) and has spent more than 7 years researching, developing, and testing the technology. Today, he is considered the world’s leading pioneer in the field of applied neuro-axiology. As a coach, facilitator, consultant, trainer, and speaker, he and his partners are bringing the message of The Central Question and the power of neuro-axiology to people and organizations worldwide. Below he shares how to catch yourself from making mistakes and becoming using his techniques to become more empowered.

How to Stop Screwing Up and Start Strengthening Up
By Peter D Demarest

Can we have an honest conversation about screwing up. Let’s face it, we’re not perfect. We screw up. Some of us more than others.

Really, now. Don’t you hate that moment when you realize that you just screwed up…again? Sure, some people try to put a nice spin on their screw-ups and call them “learning opportunities” or use a cavalier excuse like “Oh well, I did the best I could.” That’s all well and good IF you actually learn from your mistakes and don’t keep repeating them. And isn’t it true that we usually only discover our mistakes and screw-ups only after the damage is done?

Of course, that’s assuming you ever admit you might have made a mistake, made a poor choice, or reacted poorly at all. Quite often, rather than being accountable to ourselves, we simple blame others or other circumstances. So what if we could recognize a “pending” screw-up and make a shift in thinking before it’s too late or more damage is done? Better yet, what if we could make better use of the strengths and wisdom we already have to make better choices, take better actions, and react in ways that are healthier to start with?

Thanks to some recent discoveries in the emerging field of applied neuro-axiology, I can give you a very simple technique that can help you do exactly that. In fact, if you can maintain a little bit of self-awareness, especially in stressful situations, this technique will empower you in ways you may never have experienced before.

Here it is… (Drum-roll please)… All you need to do is to start asking yourself “The Central Question of Life, Love, and Leadership:”

“What choice can I make and action can I take, ?in this moment, to create the greatest net value?

That’s it. (Cymbal crash, and wild applause, please). Ok, I know it sounds simple. But now, let’s dig into some of the science so you can understand why this question is so enormously powerful. What I will share with you now is a very basic, layman’s introduction to a very complex science (which you don’t really need to know the details of anyway).

First, it’s common sense that the basic difference between a “mistake” and a “success” is that screw-ups don’t add much value to life (and often take value away) while successes do add value. Now “value” can take many forms: good feelings, making a sale, completing a worthwhile task, helping someone in need, avoiding pain, learning something new, getting a job, resolving a conflict, etc.)

So the goal is to make choices, and take actions, and react to things in ways that create greater net value and goodness. The question you may be tempted to ask is “Adds greater net value for whom?” The answer is, for everyone concerned and with all things considered – all the pros and cons. What we’ve discovered is that most screw-ups result from one of two things: a poor value judgment in general or an overly self-centric agenda.

Ironically, most poor value judgments are actually the result of self-centric agendas/priorities (what’s in it for me), and self-centric agendas/priorities are the result of poor value judgments. Then, the more we screw-up the more we inadvertently and sometimes unknowingly spiral into a deeper self-centric mode. Can you see how it can put us into an endless cycle?

The Central Question breaks the cycle and can even reverse it.

Success, is not about the value you get. It’s about the value you create and The Central Question automatically helps you tap into your natural strengths and wisdom. It’s not about fixing weaknesses, positive thinking, fake-it-till-you-make-it, self-deception, or getting yourself to do things you don’t want to do.

It turns out that everything we tend to consider as a weakness also tends to be associated with self-centric thinking and that our true strengths, the ways in which we have the most clarity and wisdom, are the ways of thinking that are more value-centric. We know from neuroscience that the mind-brain has a strong predisposition to do whatever it perceives will create the greatest net value so if we start thinking in value creation—value-centric terms, we naturally start using our greater strengths.

With deliberate practice over time, our strengths get stronger and weaknesses get weaker (stop causing us to screw up). We get better and better at answering The Central Question. We become more self-empowered, self-confident, and effective. We start to discover even greater meaning, purpose and synergy with the world around us. We experience more joy, satisfaction, and fulfillment. We achieve more success in every aspect of life. We screw-up less, which means less stress, struggle, conflict, overwhelm, imbalance, and frustration. Here are three ways you can start using the central question right now.

1.    Set your overall intention for each day or hour by asking yourself The Central Question when you wake up and every hour on the hour.
2.    Maximize your mindfulness and whenever you catch yourself feeling any kind of stress, frustration, upset, procrastination, defensiveness rising in your emotions, simple ask yourself The Central Question.
3.    At the end of each day, ask yourself, “What choices did I make and actions did I take, today, that created greater net value than yesterday? (Note: The ‘yesterday part is important because it helps your develop and grow.)

I can promise you, if you do any of one of these simple three things, it will have an significant impact on your life. Do all three, and it will amaze you. If you screw-up (which you still will), don’t beat yourself up, just ask the question again and reclaim your power and freedom.
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Check out Peter D Demarest and his book, Answering Answering The Central Question.
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Take the self-love challenge and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at http://howdoiloveme.com. And you can post your loving acts HERE to reinforce your intention to love yourself. Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE.

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