People often have a hard time receiving help for several possible reasons. When I was a DoorMat I only wanted to help others. Receiving was tough, as it is for most people pleasers. I’d rather plod through something in a half baked way than let someone do it for me. People pleasers are afraid to inconvenience anyone or put someone on the spot for help. It means things often don’t get done properly, if at all.

A stubborn ego can also prevent you from accepting help. I’ve been at Thanksgiving dinners where the man of the house was determined to carve the turkey, because he felt it should be his job, but he really didn’t know how to do it. He’d muck it up but refuse help, even though it was offered by people experienced with carving. When you think you should know how to do something, you can stubbornly refuse to let someone else do a task you actually aren’t good at. Determination can drive you to do it, but not well. Then you hope nobody notices, like the guy who carved the turkey into big slabs of meat instead of slices.

While it’s similar to a stubborn ego, pride can make you not want to admit you can’t do something. Thinking you should be able to do something can push you to keep trying, even if you see it’s not working. If you’re too proud to ask for help you persevere with effort after effort but don’t get it right, or as right as someone with more expertise than you can do it. Pride can hurt your self-esteem when you get it wrong and others see what you do or don’t do. Pride can truly offset common sense about your choices.

I’ve learned that whenever it’s possible, I let the best person do what needs to be done. As a DoorMat, it began with learning to love myself enough to know I don’t have to be alone in my endeavors, however big or small they are. Most people are fine with helping you when you ask. Too many of us don’t, which hurts us. It can be hard to ask for help whether it’s a need to please, a stubborn ego or pride that gets in your way. But you can break through that by consciously trying it. Once you do and see how nice help can be, you’ll probably find it easier the next time.

I like to begin by telling the person what needs to be done. Then I sweeten the request by letting them know I think they’re better at doing whatever it is than I am. That can make a person want to help more. It’s also good for you to acknowledge your weaknesses. Having them is no crime. We all have things we’re no good at. It takes strength to admit it and you should feel proud when you do. It’s better than lumbering through a task that stymies you when someone else could get it done fast, and right. And often helping you makes the other person feel good, so they’re pleased to help you—a win/win situation!

The next time you struggle over something, whether it’s a simple thing  like not being able to reach high enough because you’re short or something a bit more challenging like changing something on your computer, ask someone tall to reach for you or call a tech savvy friend and ask for help. It will keep your stress level lower and you’ll get more things done properly.
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