Fear inhibits expressing your feelings, asking for a promotion, letting people go, saying “no” to requests, and many other things. Everyone experiences it. It can be subconscious or subtle. Nowadays reality shows encourage fighting fear. People survive eating pig’s innards and bugs. If they can get beyond it, so can you! Francois de La Rochefoucauld said, “We promise according to our hopes and perform according to our fears.” Think about decisions you’ve made based on fear. You can conquer worries, one baby step at a time, IF you choose to.

Are you afraid of what might happen if you take a stand? Jumping out of a plane causes legitimate frazzled nerves. Running into a snake can legitimately scare you. But often you’re scared of the unknown – “what ifs” instead of concrete situations. Imagination can conjure up potential worst-case scenarios. What if she hates me if I can’t baby sit? What if I’m fired for not working weekends? Irrational speculations can freeze you. But the truth is, the unknown is usually worse that what really happens!

Unknown outcomes are scary. If you request a promotion that’s denied, you may need another job. If you tell your boyfriend you won’t accept poor behavior, it may mean breaking up. Fear can pervade your whole life if you don’t control it. When fear creates a belief that you need someone or what they offer, you lose control. There are other jobs, boyfriends and friends. Step back from fear to objectively see your choices. Don’t let fear create self-fulfilling prophecies. If you believe you can’t live without someone’s approval, help, or love, you make them too important. Fear magnifies problems and needs. Crumbs taste sweet when you’re scared of getting nothing.

Leaving or expressing yourself tastes sweeter.

Mark Twain said, “Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear–not absence of fear.” Courageous people progress despite being scared. Courage allows you to get past it and learn there’s less to worry about than you thought. Overcome fear by doing what you’re afraid of. When you handle it, confidence builds. You’ll be scared again but next time will be a smidgen easier. Fight what scares you by taking action! Facing fear teaches that you can manage most situations.

How likely is your worst-case scenario to actually happen? Analyze the layers and diffuse them! Ask what’s the worst that can happen? Then decide—can I cope with it? Be honest. You don’t have to like the outcome but can you handle it? What’s the worst that could happen? Will you starve if you speak up and get fired? Will life end if your man books? You may be scared but you have to just do what’s necessary. When you identify exactly what may happen, find ways to cope. If fear controls your decisions:

•    Acknowledge out loud that you’re scared.
•    Identify exactly what scares you.
•    Ask yourself how you can overcome and live with a negative result.
•    Think about the best outcomes, not the worst.
•    Expect the best.
•    Do something. Don’t let fear paralyze you.

Feeling scared is normal. Facing fear empowers you. It’s your choice to succumb or to conquer it. Put out feelers for other jobs. Plan fun things in case you cut ties with someone. Be proud of yourself for doing what scared you. Take baby steps away from fears. Stop imagining what might happen and focus on what’s happening now. Right NOW you’re okay! There will always be obstacles and people who aren’t cooperative. That’s reality! But you can stay in self-control of you.

Are you nervous about messing up? Does fear stop you from expressing dissatisfaction or setting ground rules? Write down what scares you. Read each one aloud, declare, “This won’t stop me!” and burn it. You CAN do this if you tell yourself you can!
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Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Challenge–a pledge to do something loving for yourself for the next 31 days–and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at http://howdoiloveme.com. Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts from 2012 HERE.

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