Often we respond to situations automatically and aren’t aware of things we do that might be unhealthy, especially with people you’re close to like a romantic partner, your mom, a best friend, close work colleague, etc.  After years of being nagged by someone, you might automatically snap at the person when you hear them say your name, expecting to be told something you should do. That can be unfair to the person and create dissension between you, leaving you feeling guilty about assuming the worst.

Or you might whine when you need to address something you don’t like, which puts people off. When something is told with a whine it can shut down someone’s ability to listen to you objectively, which defeats your need to be heard. Or if you get defensive when someone disagrees with you, it puts you in a position that decreases your power. In these kinds of situation your emotions are often controlling your response instead of you and your good sense.

Control your responses that are made out of habit by paying attention to your behavior and tweaking it to cue people differently. Sort of step outside yourself and observe your interactions with others—personal consciousness-raising! Pay attention in situations where you don’t feel control. Look for:

* What triggers your responses? What causes emotions to guide your behavior? Is it hurtful memories instead of current circumstances? Stay in NOW if old feelings of frustration, disappointment, anger, surface. Consciousness pinpoints triggers. Find ways to handle emotions when they arise. Take deep breaths and affirm that you’re in charge and intend to just be in the moment, leaving emotions behind you.

* How does your tone of voice sound? Listen to yourself. Would you like to be spoken to that way? Be objective. Do you whine? Are you apologetic or insecure? Consciousness of my whine disgusted me and I broke habits. You can too!

* What message does your body language send? Become aware of non-verbal language. Are your hands clenched on your hips when speaking? That invites defensiveness. Do you slump, stand stiffly, or fidget? It screams insecurity. When you come across as relaxed, people perceive you better.

By becoming aware of what you do, you can see more clearly what works and what doesn’t. We often take our behavior for granted. Self-awareness leads to self-improvement and getting better result from your responses!
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